“Officer Hopps, please answer your radio.”
“Excuse me, just one second.” She gave her best pleading smile to the deer in front of her. “Chief, sorry, I was talking to the witness you sent us down here to-”
“-That's no excuse, Hopps. And isn't Wilde with you? Why didn't he say anything?”
“Sorry, Chief, we were both distracted.” Nick threw a mocking glance toward a scowling Judy. “Won't happen again.”
“It better not. Anyway, I want both you back to headquarters as soon as possible. I have another case you need to follow up on, and time is running thin.”
“Sure thing, Chief... let me finish talking to this witness and we'll be back asap.”
Nick smiled inwardly from the obvious strain in her voice.
“That's fine, just make it quick.”
After a moment of silence to confirm he was done with them, Judy turned back to the witness, fumbling with her pen. “...Okay, okay, where were we... Oh! So you were telling me about the cable and the dog...?”
“O-oh, y-y-yes, w-well, it was k-kinda o-of s-surprising because,” He swallowed.” he was a dog, and i-i-t's r-r-rare you s-see a d-d-dog d-d-doing that kind of t-th-th-th-thing; but h-he was trying to s-s-sell me c-cable, and h-he said h-he would h-h-h-hook it up and then I c-c-could p-pay l-later, but... I... Um, a-are you a-a-alright?”
“Hmm?” Judy looked up.
“I-it's j-just you're m-moving a-around a lot.” His head darted back and forth, checking all directions in rapid succession.
“Don't worry about that.” Nick gave a wry expression. “She just had a little t-too much c-coffee this morning.”
Judy's eyes widened. She looked back and hit him in the thigh.
“Ow! Jeez...”
“Anyway, the –oh, and I am fine by the way, thank you for asking– the cable guy... dog. I guess he wasn't an... actual cable guy. I mean he, might've been!” She forced a laugh. “I guess we'll figure, uh,” she cleared her throat, “figure that out. Um, anyway, about the cable... dog, you were saying?”
There was the sound of snickering from behind. The deer looked down at her in confusion and hid a bit further behind his front door.
“Um, a-a-are y-y-you s-s-sure y-you're a-a-a-a-alright?”
Judy rushed the interview, and after collecting all the necessary information and informing the deer they would do all they could, she rushed back to the SUV, leaving Nick walking at a snail's pace.
“No, take your time. No rush. Not about to die or anything. Totally not about to die.” Hidden from view by the driver-side door, she kept her hands buried between her legs.
“Oh? I-I-I-Is s-s-ssomething w-w-wrong?”
“Really clever, Nick. Tasteful too. And in public, of course.”
He chuckled to himself and walked to the passenger side. He placed his hand on the door handle and pretended to pull it. Judy unlocked the doors, but he pretended again, putting his hands up in mock confusion.
“Nick, it is unlocked! Just get in already!”
The door opened and Nick sat down, a smile on his face. She put the car in drive.
“Come on, come on...” She now had one hand on the steering wheel, and the other on the gear selector. “Nick!”
“Huh?” He looked over at her.
“Seat belt.” She fidgeted awkwardly in the seat. “Quickly, please.”
“Oh,” he chuckled. “I figured that would be the last thing on your mind.”
“Just put it on.”
“Carrots... are you alright?” He fastened the seat belt, and looked over at her, the softness of his expression visible even through his tinted sunglasses.
“Yes, I'm fine, I just really have to pee.”
“A-a-a-are you s-s-s-sure?” He smiled mockingly.
“Ugh, you are such a pain.” She sped away from the house.
“Wow, quite the take off. Must be pretty bad.”
“You have no idea.” She whined. “I haven't held it this long in years.”
“Hmm, it's a fitting look at least... For a bunny.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“Think about it.”
She scowled at him without responding.
“It's a real shame, though,” he spoke with contrived concern. “The station is all the way across town, and the traffic is bound to be pretty bad...”
Judy groaned.
“Jeez! Hopefully there isn't an accident on the highway or something. Can you imagine the wait?”
She groaned louder.
“But don't worry, Carrots, if you pee yourself, I won't tell anybody,”
“Nick...” She whined.
He laughed. “I'm just teasing you. Try not to think about it. I'm sure you'll be fine and we'll laugh about this later.”
“I hope so.”
“Come on, cheer up! You're gonna be make it, okay?”
She sighed. “Yeah... you're probably right.”
“See, there ya go. Can I get a smile?”
“...Don't push it.”
Nick catches her far hand leaving the steering wheel and slipping between her legs. He opened his lips to call her on it: “Ten and two, Carrots.” But he decided to give her a break and keep quiet.
Much like the third track off of Dream Theater's hit album, Systematic Chaos, her legs remained in constant motion. At stop lights, she would bounce up and down, much to Nick's amusement, and much to her embarrassment, especially after finally understanding his 'for a bunny' comment from earlier.
Every couple minutes she would groan softly, each time growing louder and more pitiful. They made it ten minutes into their twenty minute drive, but the last stretch was almost exclusively highway.
“Oh, no...” She whined, glancing down at her lap.
“Something wrong?”
“I don't know if I can make it to the station.”
“... What's the alternative?”
“I don't know... I think we gotta stop somewhere. If we don't, I might pee my pants.
“So it really is that bad, then?” He asked with concern.
“So bad...”
“Hmm,” He scratched his chin. “I'm not too sure where we can stop. We're in the industrial section of town, and getting through all this traffic, it will probably take a bit before we can get to any gas stations or anything like that. And a gas station is gonna be your best bet around here... Unless of course you'd like to just go in an alleyway.”
“Urg... I never thought I'd say this, but... I'd gladly pee in an alley if it wasn't illegal... But I'm a cop. I can't expose myself like that.”
“Are you prepared to deal with the other option?”
“... Ohhhhh...” She groaned again. “Why didn't I just go at the coffee shop...”
“Well, we do have one place you might be able to go, but you're not gonna like it.”
“I will go literally anywhere, Nick. As long as it isn't illegal, or in my pants. Just tell me where to go.”
Nick instructed her, and upon arriving, Judy hopped out of the car and headed for the entrance, dancing in front of the door as she waited for Nick to catch up.
“No, take your time, not about to pee myself in public or anything.”
“Note to self: willing to pee herself in private.”
Without responding, she barged in and scanned the room. She spotted a sign that said “Restrooms” overhead, and headed in that direction. She couldn't stand still, and each step was hurried and involved short, inward thigh-rubbing. Most of the people in the business had turned to look her, with varying degrees of subtlety.
She attempted to open the door to the ladies' bathroom, but found it locked. She pushed her hand into her groin and bit down on her lip before trying the other doors. All locked. She rushed back to Nick, who was waiting by the entrance with a suspiciously amused expression.
“They're all locked.”
“I had a feeling they might be.”
She clenched her teeth. “Why... didn't you... Fine, whatever, what do I do? Can they unlock them?”
“Um, yes...”
“Um? Nick, please, quickly.”
“That's kinda the problem.” He started walking, Judy following behind, using a hand and wiggling her butt with each step. They skipped the line and arrived at a booth with a familiar face.
“Hey, Flash, how ya doing, buddy?”
“No! Don't answer that! Please, just unlock the-”
“Hey... there... Nick. Or should... I say... officer... Wilde.”
“Flash, please, quick, bathr-”
“I... am doing... good. How... about.... you?”
“Doing great buddy, just wondering if maybe you could-”
“-Please! Just unlock the bathroom.” Judy was no longer moving. She was standing completely still, both hands pressed tightly against her crotch.
“Sure... thing...”
“Oh thank-”
“-Officer... Hopps. Let me... see... if I... have... the key.”
“Ohhhhh...” She groaned.
Flash kneeled down and checked the bottom compartment of his desk.
“Please have it. Please have it. Please have it.”
“Oh... here... it is.” He started to rise, and her eyes lit up as she honed in on the small piece of metal.
“So close, so close, so close. Don't pee, don't pee. Hold it, just a little-” She reached forward and snatched the key from Flash's hands the moment it was in arms length. She darted for the bathroom. Nick watched as she struggled, unable to stay still long enough to lock the door. When she got the key in the lock, she threw the door open and ran inside.
After almost ten minutes, she emerged from the bathroom and headed toward Nick.
“Let's get out of here.”
“Everything go alright in there, Carrots? You were gone for awhile.”
“Y-yeah, sure. Let's just go.”
They both headed for the SUV, Judy's face turning to a grimace as she sat down in the driver's seat.
“Hopefully the Chief isn't too mad at us for being late.”
“It's fine,” She pulled away, speaking non-nonchalantly. “I finished that interview pretty fast, and we can just say the traffic killed us. Anyway, I gotta stop by my house before we go back.”
“You want to stop at home?” Nick turned to her in surprise. “We're kinda in a rush here, Carrots, can't it wait?”
“It'll just be for a minute.” She insisted.
“I guess so, if it's that important... What do you need to do so badly, anyway?”
“Oh, nothing much...” She swallowed. “Just a... quick change is all.”
“A quick chan-” Nick paused. “...Seriously?”
“It was just a little bit! Seriously, though, don't tell anyone!”
“Hmm, well, I said I wouldn't, and I'm as good as my word... Your secret is safe with me.” He smiled at her.
“Ugh, thanks. This is so embarrassing... Kinda gross, too.”
After stopping off at home and getting a change of clothes, Judy drove them back to the station. Walking in, Nick trailed behind. As they approached the front desk, his voice rang out:
“Clawhauser, you are never going to guess what happened today.”
