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nekokun13

Update

A long time ago, my boyfriend at the time urged me not to post emo journals, i agreed and it was a good idea c: but as a side effect i stopped posting journals altogether.

I haven't left, and i still consider myself a furry, even if i don't post as much as before and even though i have stopped liking a lot of things in the fandom. I still consider myself a furry mainly because i enjoy looking at anthro drawings and i like making them, the rest i prefer to stay away from.

My life hasn't been going as i would like for a long time, school is ok as usual, but my love life and/or lack thereof, makes me depressed. I used to say it was my fault because i didn't look for a partner, but i've been searching and one of two things happen: they aren't interested from the beginning, or they get to know me and then decide they want me as a best friend. So even if i saw myself as someone interesting and "not ugly" my confidence has decreased because of all the rejection. Also i've decided to never have a long distance relationship again, it's hurtful and frustrating.
My wish for love was what drove me to draw initially, i remember being able to make a full colored piece a day, i wasn't very good but i like to think that the feeling went through despite the drawings' quality. After that it was love that inspired me, while i felt it. Now i don't have that inspiration, so that's why i stopped drawing stuff, and when i try to draw, things don't go as i would like.
I've drawn stuff, for special people, but i give those drawings as gifts, i don't scan them, they feel too personal, and i hope no one sees them other than the person i did them for.

So that's the reason i don't draw anymore, that's why i've lost a lot of practice and i can't do stuff i used to be able to make, like couples and scenes.. I can't find it in me to draw porn either, i know i just made one but it was very hard for me to draw, the pose always seemed awkward, the bodies look wrong, i even had a hard time drawing penises lol...

And though i like receiving comments and faves, they don't mean as much as before, sometimes i think i should just stop drawing, I'm not going to get better and though i once wanted to get to be known, now i don't care about that..

So i'm alive and i guess i'm just venting, like i used to. Maybe if someone wants a trade i might be up for it, but it either has to be a friend or maybe someone i watch/like.. i know i'm not that great but i don't like when people just try to get a free drawing u__u



So tl;dr: i'm sad/tired, and i'm willing to do trades with friends/people i watch
Viewed: 10 times
Added: 7 years, 5 months ago
 
Darkeshi
7 years, 5 months ago
Es una triste historia la que comenta señor nekokun, llena de violines y lluvias nubladas, pero luego de eso siempre sale el sol, o la luna y las estrellas C= lo cierto es que si decide dejar de dibujar, el sentimiento de insatisfaccion lo seguira por el resto de sus dias o hasta que vuelva a intentarlo. Es cierto que la practica se pierde, pero es como andar en bicicleta, es cosa de pedalearle un rato para volver a agarrar viejas mañas y de paso conseguir unas nuevas. con respecto al amor, el tiempo y destino apremian a aquellos que perseveran, salir al mundo para ser herido y aprender a levantarse solo cuando nadie mas esta ahi para apoyarle, asi cuando esa persona llegue, sabra que todo valio la pena y por un instante sera la persona mas feliz entre los vivos.

asi que tl:dr: sigue intentando pese a los tropiezos, no pain no gain
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