I've seen several people on several sites in the last month vent about being called positive things in a negative context(self-righteous, strong willed, educated) as someone commits an act that hits somewhere between the force of a slap to the face or punch to the gut. Usually this stems from people coming to them for help, and getting spat on verbally afterward because the other person sees something that isn't there in the helper. More than one of those instances involved a physical component to the bad treatment as well, walking away from them without giving a decent reason or damaging them or property belonging to them as two examples.
Kind people, truly kind people, often suffer hard for being such. That said, many of those same kind people go through much, gaining wisdom as they go. This is wisdom they tend to share when asked, or withhold when the lesson is more important than the answer. Using one's experience to aid another is only bad if you are condescending about it or play the 'I told you so' card in something other than a positive fashion. And for the record, you can't call someone a White Knight if you asked them for help.
That said, I feel the need to vent because I'm right there with those folks, getting spit on lately by people close.
A list of dark events that have made the crazy lynx learn odd and rare lessons:
1. I was beaten for a good year with a belt as a child. It was abuse. No way around it. The whipping went until there was blood many times over something as stupid as the side of a capital A not being straight enough. My mother didn't believe me when I told her about some of the things that happened behind her back after I'd grown, but it doesn't matter as the man that did it succumbed to cancer earlier this year.
2. I was tied up and raped as a child by someone that I trusted that became unstable after something horrible happened to them, but before they were put into an asylum. I've never shared the name of this person for their safety, she'd been through enough. And yeah, I'm male. I'm a male rape victim. :P
3. I've been shot at a few times in my life. None of those times were while I was in the military. All of those times were before those years. I've also been stabbed more than once.
4. I have had to say a final goodbye to more friends than years I have lived. More than half of those friends ended it themselves.
5. I'm a military brat that lived in cold war Germany, while the wall was up, got to see the east side of the wall, and was abandoned by my father at the age of four while living in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with him and my mother. He became a deabeat dad after fleeing across the country and I've only seen him once since then, at his parent's fiftieth wedding anniversary almost eight years later.
6. I have watched a girl I loved with all my heart fade away from disease until she finally died, then had to deal with her father blaming me for her getting worse when I'd only met her after she had gotten sick and was hospitalized. I still don't know where her body is buried. I was only thirteen when she died.
7. I've had to search forests for missing children, downed aircraft and wandering crazies.
8. I've had to watch friends suffer through life falling apart around them in ways that people only believe can happen in stories, only to have them die and have only a handful of friends that barely knew them be present to bury them.
9. I come from a long line of alcoholics, am not one, but understand why all those before me drank. I know how addiction works because I have to fight with myself over things every day.
10. I've faced death several times. Starvation, dehydration, malnourishment, injury, illness, overdose(Not my doing. It was ritalin in a German hospital in the eighties while parasites where eating me up from the inside...). All of those are in my past.
11. I've almost been left crippled multiple times.
12. I've been cut off from the world by having all my senses shut down, while remaining conscious. Something most people are only familiar with if they've read certain horror stories.
13. I've gone over a year with no physical human interaction. That means no hugs, accidentally brushing up against another in a crowd or even handshakes. No physical contact with another human being, at all... Period...
14. I've been left so alone that I honestly forgot how to talk. People that knew me before that still have a hard time understanding why I can't talk as well as I used to but can still communicate as well as before in written form.
15. I've had to hold a friend after they've been raped and another as they died.
16. I've had to talk friends down from suicide while they had a weapon in hand, many times.
17. I've witnessed the covering up of the fact a friend's death was a suicide, not an avoidable traffic accident. Long story...
18. I endure physical pain on a daily basis that manages to get me to drop to my knees and blind me in one or both eyes for a bit. Only a handful of people have witnessed it because I've learned how to compensate for the loss of sight or lock my body up when a set of muscles stops working.
19. I've watched my mother weep after being beaten, and not be able to do anything for her.
20. I know the sensations that come with a four story fall off a cliff and a fall down a pine tree that has pre-broken branches.
I think that's enough to get a point across. Some people have advice because they've been through bad things. When you ask for advice, keep in mind that YOU asked for it and remember to try being as kind as you can simply because they were willing to help after being asked. No matter how hard a person can learn to be, no matter how much they truly suffer through, no matter how strong they might seem, if they are truly kind they will still feel pain when you turn from them with harsh words. Pain brings wisdom for those that care to listen. Kindness is sharing that wisdom when it's needed through words or action. I said words earlier tonight on someone's journal, but it's something that both sides of the equation should learn and learn to the point of seeing the deeper meaning of the words than the surface thoughts imply.
"My heart is cold and hard like stone as some see it. My heart is as warm and gentle like a spring breeze as some see it. My heart is human and feels every pain and joy it witnesses, as I see it. My soul holds the wisdom of it all." ~TKL
Oh, and before anyone can get on a religious or anti-religious schtick with the mention of souls, I ain't all that religious. I just like higher concepts and the meanings within them.
5 years, 6 months ago
04 Jul 2013 10:32 CEST