I don't post journals as much as I once did on FA or Livejournal. Maybe it's because of the harboring trolls and potential haters wanting to use any information they can against me and my mate. It's just that since there's nothing to do most of the time, I can't help but think about what my next step would be.
As it stands, I was able to turn in the application for the school district and I will be available to work on the 18th of April. I was hoping to be on the 12th but I had no other choice. I will be attending FCN next weekend and fortunately I can actually relax for once. Waiting for anything big really sucks though. I'm just hoping that I can actually start work on the 18th. No interviews, no call backs, just on the job working.
Then comes what to do afterward. Well, saving is the ultimate option. At the same time I want to restock on what I want to further my thoughts and ideas. New laptop or desktop that can run games and software flawlessly, big external hard drive, of course a car and license. On a serious note, I figured what I want to do too. I want to become an all around artist. Drawing, 3D animation, and music. Meaning that I want to plan on getting a tablet, an epic 3D software program like Twilight uses, and some equipment that can create and pick up music from my keyboard. I know everything that I want will be ass expensive. But that's what I want to focus on.
Now comes the toughest part. Sure going back to college will be a good thing for me to do. But what about everyone else that I know? I mean, I can save up, buy the things needed to get started in my goal, then focus on my own place and do college. But what about my mate and my friends? I can visit them at this point in time, yes. However, everyone I know wants me to do something that's going to cost something else that I care about. If I have the job, save up, get my stuff needed, here are the paths.
If I go back with my mate and roommates, I can still be able to go to work and college, but a pain to get there. Even if I stop attending, I wouldn't have the spacing/time needed to focus on my art on accounts of my roomies (not my mate) If I stay here in Illinois, I can get my own place and have time to myself. Then again, the next step to that would hinder the rest of my roommates and friends. Then there's the option my brother gave my to excel further after getting my associates and head to Florida to study further into my goal. It's all well and perfectly good, but I'll leave everyone that I know. And even if I take my mate with me, I'm pretty sure that he'll miss everyone even more.
Though I have these tough decisions, the last thought kinda hits my well being with one question. "Am I too late?" I always say I won't let age get the better of me. Sadly with that thought it made a crack into that shield. The only thing that kept it together were the options that I had over the years. Should I stay and deal with the hardships of my step-dad until something horrible happens or escape now. If I haven't decided to move then none of these events wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have a mate, met any awesome furs throughout the country if not the world, gotten the courage to normally chat with any known furs RL or IM. Hell, my mobian form wouldn't even exist. And with all the hardships I've endured mentally over the years, I'm glad I've kept going. I didn't run back with my tail between my legs until my family offered me to return home so I can get back on my feet. For that I am happy about it.
All and all, I just don't know where to go from here. My easiest choice is to land a job, get my materials, get my own place for me and my mate and leave it at that. But even that path has it's own sacrifices. It's really hard to be a cool caring all accepting fur with the potential of doing great things in art that has to make tough choices and is in the middle (being neutral) of everything. But that's just who I am.