some day..

by Poulet7

so im about to leave for work right now and a old crush contacts me and tells me hes moved in with his boyfriend. hell im happy for him, he needed it so bad. he was such a lonely and sad lill thing and im happy to see him find someone who cares for him so much. at the same time though, i cant help but be reminded of how lonely i am. as social as i am, i kinda force my self to have no life so i can focus on my goal. i have a rather serious goal right now of saving money to move out. the first step in a bigger goal of getting back to working as a studio artist. part of this meant not making any serous relationship connections for two reasons. making it easier for me to leave, and not being cruel and leaving my lover behind because my career is more important to me. i think that would just be unfair to them. also my time back in my home town has been rather negative. the men here are really stuck up. i find it odd that such a small town would host so many bone skinny twinks, and obsessive muscle guys that wont accept anything but perfection out of there partners. when its not them, its the old weirdos twice my age looking for a way too young guy. i dont know.... so odd that im so lonely sometimes yet i dotn wanna look for a man in my own home town. i dont do long distance due to my previous relationship though. so lately all ive been doing is meeting the occasional online boyfriend for support. but i never let them get too close though. anyway i have 10 minutes now before my bus arrives, i must go. if you have any thoughts, suggestions, etc, leave them bellow. positive or negative comments :3. peace and love guys, and thanks for listening. you rock. :)

Viewed:	79 times
Added:	11 years, 4 months ago 09 Dec 2012 21:07 CET

8 Comments on this Journal

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FrAnubis

11 years, 4 months ago

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Oh boy *hugs*

I've never actually have a crush on anybody (tho I've been through some relationships), and I think I know how you're feeling... You'll find somebody, never doubt that, you awesomeness-filled buddy x3

Deke

11 years, 4 months ago

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*nods* you're not the only one bud. I'm too focused on trying to find places to move out to and to find a college, that relationship can't work. Which sucks being all alone. *hugs* I'm sure you'll find someone once you're all settled ^_^

tarotwolf

11 years, 4 months ago

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I'm not sure if I'm one to offer advice; all of my truest loves have been fictional. One advantage to being a writer -- I can create truly amazing lovers, and not just in the sexual sense.

My advice, however, is to seek intimacy over sexuality or physicality. You may find it possible to be emotionally intimate, or perhaps spiritually intimate, with someone even over a long distance. The "trick," if there is one, is to know what it is that most satisfies that sense of intimacy, and to honor it as best you can, no matter what the circumstances.

One day, my lifemate will be with me to enjoy my reading aloud to him before bed. Until then, I read to the space that he will occupy. We finished The Martian Chronicles a little while ago, and we've recently started The Maltese Falcon. Afterward, we whisper in the dark until it's time for us to doze off. And yes, he's there. I have no doubt of his presence... or his future. Create the space, and it will be filled.

Then again, I'm a crazy old woof. YMMV.

Poulet7

11 years, 4 months ago

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@ tarotwolf

i tried it before but it ends up with me doing that whole "one day we'll be together" and ive been through that already. i did that for 5 years with my ex. we did eventually end up visiting a lot with some visits lasting a couple of months at a time. however it still came down to us both wanting the physical and spiritual. eventually it came down too me never making the kind of money i needed to make a committed move and him losing faith that i would. the funny thing is my goal is to move my January and ill be moving in as his roommate. ironic huh.

tarotwolf

11 years, 4 months ago

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@ Poulet7

"Irony" is its own element on the periodic table of love. I know you but little, and that through your wonderful art and stories, and what you share in journals. I sense that you are romantic, sensitive, compassionate, possibly just a little demanding (a good quality -- always stick up for what you need/want), intelligent, and not willing to accept half a plate when the world is a banquet ... and rightly so, may I add. What I know of you is very attractive, and I would wish to call you friend. If nothing else, I'll be on the sidelines here, cheering for your success, however you may define that. You'll make a fine mate for someone clever enough to recognize it.

kemosabe

11 years, 4 months ago

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*hugs* itz ok... i know that feels bro

DarkBlueAnt

11 years, 4 months ago

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I feel your pain bro! even tho Im not totally into dudes but I been I been alone for sooo long and that I live with my parents... guess its a time where we all go through it :\
*hugs*