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Lost's Mind: What mortals were never meant to lay eyes on.

It's too late to work on art, Maple Story is down for maintenance, and I should get to sleep. But my brain is in overdrive. I thought to respond to a journal Aval0nx wrote in response to an email he got. This being written by me, it will probably go on for a long, LONG, LONG time.

" What drives you?

I'm in a "Why the ef not?" mood, and decided to message a number of people I've been following for years now, but don't know them past (passed?) a screen-name.

Feeling isolated as of late, so like I said.. Why the ef not?

So.. What drives you?
What makes you want to suffer through another day of existence?

My perspective of human life almost turns me into a Nietzsche Wannabe, but it's combined with lethal logic and not nearly as stupid. The way I've seen it, all of existence is based on survival. All lifeforms survive through eating, fucking, and killing. That's about the full extent of the reptilian brain. Simple, right?

Well, in typical human behavior, humans had to come along and fuck everything up. To our knowledge, we are the only creatures that can not only think about the meaning of life, but understand the concept of death. Ever since we first crawled out of the primordial ooze, we tried to place a meaning on life, even as we took it away from others. Combined with a lack of knowledge about the universe, a need for societal order, and egregious amounts of hallucinogens, we created the concept of God.

As I've made it clear before, I have always been an atheist. I don't subscribe to the idea of there being a predetermined purpose for our lives, or there being some way of life that God intended. Even if I had a faith, I'd be Deist at best. Official religions have the conundrum of being horrendously tainted by bias, from the Radical Islams to the Orthodox Jews to the Westboro Baptist Church. Morality to an extent makes sense; don't kill, don't steal are very clear cut, right? And then some guy had the wise idea to start micromanaging it and added in rules that make no sense. Women had to have long hair but men couldn't, men had to have beards, cut in a certain way, otherwise they'd be shamed and put to death. On top of that, everyone "interprets" the Bible(s) differently. This is supposed to be the word of God. It's not supposed to be subject to interpretation.

The final nail in the coffin is who operates the congregations or claims to subscribe to that faith. The pastors aren't above adding their own bias into the message; granted, some are more honest than others, but that's not the point. Then there are the pastors and priests that claim they are the direct and only line to God - you know who you are - and some are so out of touch, they claim that God speaks only to them. In politics, world leaders - Hitler scenarios aside - use religion to try to justify whatever atrocity we happen to commit at the time. Long story short, I prefer to have the morals and rules that allow humans to cooperate effectively and create a thriving society. Anything past that is a history lesson, filler, or bullshit.
What do I make of my life? I see life as a perpetual multi-layered puzzle of tribulations, from personal life to professional. Due to a traumatic event early in my childhood, I became used to isolation and I found refuge in fiction, video games, and learning. I eventually decided I wanted to be a writer, and that led me to becoming an artist as well. Because of what I like and what I like to draw and write about in my free time, I know I'll never be taken seriously in any intellectual sense in our sexually negative, paranoid society. I know beyond any shadow of a doubt I am best at espousing bullshit, and that's why I began writing fiction.

What about the rest of humanity? Other people see the meaning of life differently. Some turn to religion for an answer, thinking God will or has given them a response. Others feel the only way for fulfillment in life is to come as close as possible to ending it. And then there are the people who are Nietzsche Wannabes who find no reason to life, stagnate, and try to bring everyone down with them.
Finally, there are the people who don’t think beyond the reptilian brain. Unfortunately, we currently seem to be regressing back to that most base of mindsets here in America for at least the past decade. Xenophobia has been making a huge comeback, and has led to many domestic terrorist attacks in recent years. That’s the sad truth. Some people are so afraid of death or the strange and unknown,  other people have to die to make them feel safer.

What makes me want to live in a reptilian-dominated world? The few people I actually enjoy - and you all know who you are –  the slowly expanding fan base of mine that I entertain with the crap I come up with, and the many many things that I like or have yet to be.

I know  it’s probably a long-winded and misguided monologue, but I hope I have enlightened you, or at the very least moderately entertained you with my delusional ranting.
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