Evey new year, my resolution is to make more art. Does it ever happen? No. Of course not.
And do you know why?
It's because every year, I'm still shit at what I do, and even when I have the time to draw something, I just can't. It's perpetuated into a cycle that's lead to procrastination and blank canvas paralysis and thus more rustiness. Being totally out of practice just makes things infinitely worse. I'm tired of trying to become the objective best Poképorn artist, it's a fruitless endeavor given basically every other artist and their grandpa is already leaps and bounds ahead of me. And the "2 cakes" thing? It's a total lie, people have tastes and can tell good from bad art. Nobody wants to look at shit. It's made me hate drawing with a passion in the same way one may hate taking a horse pill or a diabetic may hate pricking their fingers, every bit of joy I once felt from it has been sucked clean out and it's just a hollow husk of what it was reduced to something I just have to do. I'm sick of flailing and struggling to learn the basics only to have nothing to post in the end of it all and others who let nobody down with their art with no obligation whatsoever to excel still soaring way ahead of me. Why even bother?
And that's why instead of promising more art this year, I'm not promising anything. My time drawing will be delegated predominantly to practice and experimentation that likely will never see the light of day outside of my sketchbooks. I'm very obviously incapable of finishing anything anyways. Maybe some day in the far future, but nobody gives a shit about what I make anyways, beyond the pitiful empty complements people give me just to keep me to keep trying. I know they aren't genuine.
Quite frankly, I don't want to draw anymore given how tainted and stressful of an experience it's become for me. But I can't quit, else I break the promise I made to everyone, which was the whole reason I even started to draw again. So instead my shitty drawings end the torment felt creating them will be delegated to remain wherever they were made- nobody would want to see them anyways.
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3 months, 2 weeks ago
02 Jan 2026 00:39 CET
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