I’ve dealt with harassment my entire life. When people discovered my disabilities, my slowness, my social awkwardness, they harassed me relentlessly. I asked them to stop it, and they got defensive saying they were “just curious.”
Me having boundaries is not a sin, no matter how much your “curiosity” says otherwise.
Lately, my pronouns and my name have been the subject of a lot of harassment. Not the pronunciation of the pronouns, or the spelling, despite them being different... but simply because they exist. Also my name, because apparently, “Lilith” is a popular name among trans women. And apparently that popularity is “weird” because a bunch of fools online said so.
For years, I’ve tried to avoid harassment by “behaving normally.” It doesn’t work. If any part of the real me shines through, they start in on the harassment campaign. The “Homosexuality” rumor from when I was in High School started when another student stood outside my window and watched me, through my closed curtains, as I masturbated in my bedroom and then went and told everybody about it. That’s right: being myself at home, away from school, behind closed curtains, got me labeled a homosexual, a rumor which has caused me great harm for most of my life. “Being normal” requires that you be normal everywhere you are, even at home, because other people will monitor you in order to ensure you remain “normal” at all times, even when you’re in the privacy of your home.
The truth is, though, that I’m not even the problem to begin with. My being different is not a sin, and neither is my expectation that you won’t harass me for being different. If I tell you to stop it, I’m not the one causing trouble or being problematic. You’re the one invading my space, my home, my private life, for your own entertainment. You are the one sending your friends to find ways past my attempts at privacy so you can get juicy details on what I do in my bedroom. You are the problem here, and me demanding that you stop it is a completely rational response to your invasive behaviors.
It’s easy to be brave when you’re surrounded by sychophants and supporters, who are ready to do your bidding and parrot your words, when what you’re doing is popular. Not so much, though, when you’re all alone, and you’re unpopular. I know about both, as the cowards in my life are the ones in the former group, while I myself and a few other unfortunate souls I’ve known, are in the latter. Calling me “coward” for blocking your further attempts at harassing me shows you have no idea what cowardice actually is.
And now, I’m bombarded in video games with people saying, “I don’t understand this thing about trans women named Lilith. No shame or anything, I’m just genuinely curious.”
No, you’re not genuinely curious. If you were, your words wouldn’t be exactly the same as the last dozen people who asked those exact same questions with those exact same words. You’re reading a script, and no, “I’m a trans girl so it’s okay” does not make it all better. If it was a cisgender person, it would be rude. It doesn’t magically become “not rude” just because you claim to be trans.
But even if you were genuinely curious, you wouldn’t be using such charged words as “I don’t understand this thing with.” You know full well that your words are intended to antagonize. Okay, they’re not against the rules, you’re not insulting me directly, you’re not using slurs, but anyone who’s ever dealt with online trolls knows that you don’t have to break the rules to antagonize people. There is a reason that the meme “tell me you believe something stupid without telling me you believe something stupid” exists.
I have explained my identity in my Steam profile, in my IB profile, in the profile on every place I frequent, and no one seems to notice or care what I’ve written down. I’ve also explained it, patiently, to the fools who bombard me with these questions over and over again. I’m done explaining it. I shouldn’t have to be forced to explain why I’m not a Diablo IV character, or a Binding of Isaac character, or a Hazbin Hotel character, when I’ve already done so in my profile that you can easily access if you cared enough to take the time to do so.
But you keep on harassing me in the in-game chat, because you want to antagonize me. So, I’ve muted your sorry ass. I will play this game without being harassed, and you WILL stop harassing me. It doesn’t matter what you want. My right to exist is more important than your right to have free entertainment.
As for explaining, I’m done. If you’re too lazy to read my profile, then you aren’t interested in why I use that name, or why my pronouns are what they are. I am not a customer service representative at your local Walmart and I am under no obligation to be nice to you just because you ask me invasive personal questions, the answers of which are really none of your business.
