In real life I am male.
I have no problem being male.
I am trans. I feel a phantom vagina, phantom breasts, all the things a woman would have, but I have no problem being male at the same time. I have gender incongruence, but no dysphoria. In fact, I can feel my femininity fully while loving my male form. That means that my male side is just as valid as my female side.
In fact, when I tried to depict Lilith as being fully female, my soul rejected it as being inaccurate. This is why I have decided to depict Lilith, my true higher self, as a hermaphrodite, and to use pronouns like Shi and Hir, claiming myself to also be a hermaphrodite despite physically being only male.
But...
This journal isn’t about Lilith’s gender identity. Rather, it’s about the man typing this journal out.
This man, who is an incarnation of Lilith.
A man, who is Lilith.
Lilith chose to incarnate as a man.
Why am I dragging this stuff on? Well, for those of you who don’t know, according to a widespread belief, Lilith supposedly hates men.
I see it online all the time. “Lilith Hates Men” is repeated time and time again.
And yet Lilith is a man.
Does Lilith hate hirself? No, shi loves hirself, very much.
What is Lilith’s opinion of the man whose body is currently a vessel for hir soul?
Shi loves him too.
As a man, I am a very horny individual. I draw and enjoy pornography. I love images of people having sex. I lust, as most men do, for sex with beautiful women (and to a lesser extent, with sexy men).
And Lilith, my true higher self, loves me and accepts me as the man that I am.
Does my true self have a problem with “the male gaze?” Well, I suppose that would depend upon how you define it. If simply a man lusting after a woman, then no. The man typing this out plays most games as a woman, and when I can make that woman naked I do, so I can gaze at her beautiful body, her breasts, her butt, her belly. Does Lilith have a problem with any of that? No, no shi doesn’t.
So what in the world gives people this idea that Lilith hates men?
Well, my experience as a male in this life gives me some clue.
I am a big man, with a deep bass baritone voice, very masculine. And yet, I also have many feminine traits. I am caring, I prefer to be tender towards people, I like to be polite, I like to open doors for people. In short, I like being what people in America used to call a “Gentleman.” A man who doesn’t slap a woman around, or force himself on her sexually, or treat her like she’s somehow less than he is... this is how I’ve always been. In my entire life I’ve hit a woman once, and that was in self-defense after all other possibilities were exhausted. I had the opportunity to rape a woman I loved once, and I refused. I didn’t even know at the time that it would have been rape had I done it, but I loved this woman and didn’t want to hurt her, and knew that if I did what my body wanted, she would have been hurt by it. Simple empathy.
And it is this empathy, this gentleness, this self-control... that is DEMONIZED by so-called “manly men” who think that they must dominate their partner, treat them like property, rape them, and so on, all in order to prove to the rest of the manly-men crowd that they are worthy of the title of “man.”
In Jewish mythology, Lilith’s “sin” was refusing to submit to Adam, who was depicted as a domineering shithead using stereotypical caveman logic as his reason why Lilith needed to be on the bottom. “Me male, so me be in control” basically. So Lilith spoke God’s name, sprouted wings, and exited the situation entirely.
In Sumerian mythology, Lilith’s “sin” was refusing to hand hir home over to the “goddess” Inanna because she demanded it... and then having the gall to defend hir home when Inanna tried to take it by force. This myth is a rewrite of memories from Lilith’s own lifetime, a rewrite that was done so Inanna could avoid being laughed at for being defeated militarily by a bunch of backwater hicks.
In the first case, the “good guy” is a man. In the second one, though, the “good guy” is a woman. Lilith opposes both. But why?
The answer lies in Adam’s and Inanna’s behavior. Both of these people were abusive, controlling, demanding, and self-entitled. It isn’t men Lilith hates, it’s abusive, cruel, controlling, self-entitled people in general. Can be man, woman, intersex, hermaphrodite, you name it. If it’s controlling, arrogant, self-entitled, or just plain old fashioned mean, Lilith hates it, and it doesn’t matter what “equipment” it has between its legs.
Most of the people I see who say Lilith hates men have one thing in common: they’re abusive, self-entitled little shits who tried to dominate Lilith in their attempts at “working with” hir. That most of those little shits were also male may make it look like shi hates men, but that’s just because they don’t see good men as “real” men in the first place.
Lilith respects and loves good men. As a man who is an incarnation of Lilith hirself, I should know.
~Lilith/Sean
