"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them."
-Epictetus
Just as we often suffer more in imagination than in reality, the view we hold of certain people, places, things, and situations has more to do with how we feel than those things themselves.
Naturally, there are exceptions to every rule, such as the smell of rotten roadkill on the side of a highway, the sight of mold on one's food after taking the first bite, the horrors of combat, or sympathetic vomiting. Just to name a few common "things." I'm already feeling uncomfortable as I type this.
These are not universal, by any stretch, and even the more raw and primal reactions can be tempered, honed in useful ways, and applied to tackle that which causes the discomfort.
Soldiers learn to say "it's just part of the job" and some people shrug at a little penicillin on their pizza as bolstering their immune system. The things that people have the most ridiculously extreme reactions to, however, are not simple gross, shocking, or sympathetic. They are the things we have chosen to make a bigger deal of than they really are.
When you hear a neighbor blasting loud music and you get a sudden spike in blood pressure that makes you see red, that is because you have taken the view that this is a disruption which is uncalled for, that shatters your desire for peace and quite, and which tramples upon your right to be comfortable in your own home. That is absolutely going to turn a "please turn that down" moment into a moment of blind rage.
If you see someone waving a flag that makes you upset, ask yourself if it's the flag, the person, the ideals they stand for, or something deeper. I currently can't stand Pride flags because they have turned from a symbol of unity and belonging into a sort of aggressive counter-culture symbol; the exact opposite of what was initially intended. I also don't like rainbows, so that just adds to the discomfort. Furthermore, the people I have met (even long-time friends and family) who often flew those flags have universally turned on me for sharing a different viewpoint on unrelated matters. What should be a simple "not a fan" issue has been turned into something deeper over time, showing that the view I have of the surrounding "things" has affected my view of another "thing," entirely.
This is how everyone operates, and knowing that allows you to have power over your reactions.
I don't become enraged. I don't throw insults. I don't engage in debates. I simply realize "this is all wrapped-up in a history of bad vibes" and do my best to carry on without interaction. You would do the same thing if you had been kicked by every horse you've ever met, nearly drowned each time you went to a certain water park, or got arrested while being someplace you've been told not to go.
At least, I hope you would.
Choosing to give in to that initial feeling of disgust, anger, or discomfort instead of analyzing it and deciding whether this is worth that discomfort (or if the discomfort itself is even justified) is doing yourself a disservice. You are handing control of your own mind and your own life to something else. Something as inconsequential as dog poop on the bottom of your shoe. Scrape it off, accept the lingering odor, and don't let it ruin your jog in the park.
How you react (or don't react) to something is almost entirely under your control, once you realize how little control you have over everything else. So, exercise that self-control like a muscle, build it up, and you will find yourself a bastion of serenity. Even when that guy at the convention with the suspicious and crusty stains on his fursuit leans in for a hug.
As is often the case, the shortest quotes tend to bring out the greatest thought and highlight the most uncomfortable realities, so thank you for sticking with me through this one.
He safe. Be healthy. Be mindful.
And don't forget to hose the sole of your sneaker once you get a chance.
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4 days, 2 hrs ago
07 Sep 2025 09:44 CEST
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