How are you guys? I honestly didn't feel like updating my status right now, because if I had to summarize, 2025 so far this year, except for my daughters and the support of all of you, I don't know what I would do.
I've been away these past two months mainly (especially the last month) for legal reasons. I've decided to claim child support for my little ones, since both my parents and I are doing our part. I also don't want to depend too much on my parents, since they're very old and have their own health issues.
This whole legal issue has truly exhausted me—mentally, physically, absolutely depressed me. I've even had to put aside commissions (which, as you know, I deeply appreciate your trust in me and in my work, and I want you to know from the bottom of my heart, your confidence always encourages me) to take on temporary part-time jobs to cover the costs of lawyers, certificates, paperwork, etc., etc., etc.
A few weeks ago, we couldn't reach an agreement. The most ironic thing is that we proved everything with paperwork and certificates, the girls' living expenses, and so on. When the other party was asked for proof of what they were saying, they had none, and when asked how much they earned per month, they "gave a figure" without providing any proof, and the judge accepted it as a given.
The most "tragic/comical" thing about this whole process is that it was my lawyer, the lawyer for the father of my daughters, and a lawyer (in Uruguay it's done this way, I don't know if it's the same procedure in other countries) who is granted by the state on behalf of, in this case, the minors. They all agreed with what I had proposed; strangely, the judge didn't take it into consideration. The resolution? Visitation once a week for two hours and the minimum child support amount declared by the other party. Can I appeal? Yes, I can! Can I claim the almost 12 years that he hasn't contributed? Yes, I can! Can I request more presence so there is a father/daughter bond? Of course!
But answering each part, appealing means more money for lawyers, more mental exhaustion, more arguments, more energy, and frustration that arises, and so far, I don't want that for myself. Why wasn't the year-long absence of contributions discussed? It was discussed in court, but the judge practically dismissed it. Can I request more visitation time? Is my intention to avoid the relationship? That's what I've been trying to do from the start, but wouldn't forcing someone to be present be forcing someone to love? Is that possible? In fact, when I started living in Argentina, when my girls were very young, he almost automatically signed the authorization without asking me for anything. I hope the two-hour Saturday visitation might make him reconsider; I honestly don't know.
Leaving the trial and all that aside, this has personally knocked me down. Add to that some rent and bill issues. Honestly, I haven't wanted to talk to anyone, I haven't wanted to get out of bed, nothing. But a few days ago, Bludgeon got me out of my "cave," and we've talked a lot. I'm allowing myself to go through this (shitty, pardon the language) process of being sad, of being angry, of sometimes just wanting to take refuge in my little ones, be with them, and forget about everything. But I know I can't be like this forever.
I hate doing this kind of Reddit-style rant because, honestly, I find it hard to talk about these personal things that happen to me. I hope this ends; that's all I hope for. I don't know what to say. For now, I'm trying to get better and will gradually resume commissions. Now I'm finishing up the commissions I owe. I want to thank the people who have supported me from the first moment I created my account and fursona, who have always trusted me, Growthguru BewareTheDragon TheRevenge Hated Karmandel and please excuse me if I've forgotten anyone else. I'm not feeling my best at the time of writing this journal.
That's it for now. Right now, I'm finishing up the commissions I owe, taking on other projects, and focusing as much as I can on drawing.
Please excuse me if there are parts of this journal that aren't clear, since English isn't my native language. Thank you so much if you took the time to read it, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask, and I'll answer them.
Kisses
