It might seem like I only write when something goes wrong, but truthfully, things haven’t been bad for me in recent years. I’ve realized that when life feels normal, I don’t really feel the urge to write (definitely something I should work on). But when something upsetting happens, I feel the need to express it somehow. That’s probably why my posts often come across as sad, though my life isn’t defined by sadness. It’s not that I want to get pity either—it’s simply and purely a way to vent for me.
This morning, I woke up with half of my face numb and difficult to move, kind of like the sensation after dental anesthesia. I asked ChatGPT about it, Partial facial paralysis, and it advised me to see a doctor, just in case it was something serious like the beggining of a stroke. Thankfully, the doctor said it’s temporary—likely inflammation in the facial nerve. I’ve been prescribed medication, and with a bit of luck, I should be back to normal in a few weeks. Still, talking and eating have become a challenge—it feels like I’m speaking like a mix between Elmer Fudd and Sylvester from Looney Tunes, and food tends to get stuck in my cheek or I nearly bite my lip constantly.
Stress might be playing a role too—hard to say. But honestly, what’s been weighing on me most is my brother’s condition. He has advanced-stage HIV, which has led to tuberculosis (I commented that days ago, i knew was HIV then but someway didn't feel like saying the complete report), now he has hepatitis, herpes, problems with his sight and other complications due to his weakened immune system. He can’t start HIV treatment because antiretrovirals can cause dangerous inflammation when TB is present, and he can’t be treated for TB because his liver can’t handle the medication. The doctors had to stop his treatment as it posed an immediate threat, and given the combination of HIV and TB, things look very grim. We can't even visit him due to his extreme vulnerability. Only able to use the phone to comunicate, It's heartbreaking to feel so helpless.
Ironically, I’m the one holding things together. My sister spends her days at the hospital and cry each time we receive the doc's report, my father expresses his pain through anger, and I try to support everyone—though I carry my own sadness too. I also feel anger, because this could’ve been prevented had my brother been more responsible. We all encouraged him to get HIV test for the latest 3 months due his weight loss and darkened skin color, Ii did it twice, my mom, my sister, even my dad also told him to do the test, but he ignored us. So I’m left feeling both angry and deeply sad.
In the end, my facial issue is the least of my concerns. I’m confident that will improve. I may need to postpone my cataract surgery due to the expenses I’m covering for my brother, and potentially more if things take a turn for the worse. Thankfully, I’ve saved some money and I'm managing. Thanks for taking the time to read this—it really helps to share.
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2 weeks, 4 days ago
25 Aug 2025 02:20 CEST
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