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Plagoo

Brain sucks

by
Howdy! I thought it might feel good to write this and post it into the void. It'll mostly be a vent journal, but if anyone wants insight into the workings of my brain, here ya go. And if not, you're still cool, have a good one :)

I sure do struggle a lot. My brain constantly tells me that I'm being a bother to people just by interacting with them. It's tough to make new friends or share who I am when the back of my mind keeps telling me I should only be talking to people when I'm being useful to them. I'm sure I've missed many opportunities cause of it, and given people the wrong idea about me. Even worse is the constant feeling like I don't belong anywhere. Not just not fitting in, but invasive thoughts telling me that I am making a space or community worse just by being there. I've worked really hard the past couple years to overcome this part of me, and I hope I keep getting better. Little bit by little bit. But I still get urges most weeks to just give it all up and go back to hiding in the corner. It would probably be easier than constantly fighting my brain, but I don't want to give up.

It's why I'm seemingly inactive for weeks or months at a time. And it's why I seem to never reach out to people or start chats. My brain is just too good at convincing me that I'm just here to be background noise. One of my biggest goals is to be able to move past this. To heal enough to get to the point where I don't have to deal with any of this anymore. I look forward to that day

If you read any of this: get yourself a little treat, you deserve it :)
Viewed: 16 times
Added: 3 weeks ago
 
InvalidNickname
3 weeks ago
You can message me whenever.  But bring me a smoothie as a treat
Plagoo
2 weeks, 5 days ago
Thank you :) I'll get that blender spinnin
Owlietomes
3 weeks ago
I'm very similar, so know you're not the only one struggling *pats*
Plagoo
2 weeks, 5 days ago
There's some solidarity in it, at least
Niok
3 weeks ago
I honestly share your sentiments too, my guy. *pats back*
Plagoo
2 weeks, 5 days ago
Its cool that you share as much as you do :)
ShySketch
3 weeks ago
*oink*
Dogs do "healing" not birds usually
*snort*
You create your own barriers in your imagination, which expends your energy.  Perhaps you are not expending enough energy, so go run around in circles *oink* and kick up some tuftz of grass with ur hindtrotterz-*reet* I mean webbiez~ :B
It took me until I was 23 to notice I could make eye contact, and that there is a whole other level of communication happening with eye contact.  It was the same night that I danced for the first time
Plagoo
2 weeks, 5 days ago
Some swims around the pond would probably do this quacker some good, when its not entirely too hot out

New avenues of creative expression are a big thing I've been exploring. It helps a lot
colinstu
1 week, 5 days ago
*winghugs*
Plagoo
1 week ago
Thank you * happy quacks*
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