So, on Thursday last week I met my psychologist and special doctor for the last time. They both have been treating me since late spring / early summer 2024. Meeting with psychologist 1-2 a month, at times special doctor was in those meetings. During this year, in the last few months, I've gone through autism / ADHD tests with my psychologist in the last couple of months, hearing the results on Thursday.
I have autism + depression and severe anxiety (which will last the rest of my life)! I KNEW I wasn't "normal", ahah! :D I've never felt "normal", never understood "normal" and never saw eye-to-eye with "normal".
But getting the actual and official diagnose was like winning the lottery to me! I was SO happy and relieved! It felt like... pieces of a puzzle fell in place, you know? Since then I've just sit alone at home and let this actually and truly sink in.
I'm not "normal" but I'm heck happy and proud to be different! :D Sure, everyday life is a huge struggle but at the same time I've been like this over the last 20+ years easily so I'm, more or less, used to it. Only difference is that after Verti died in 2023, these symptoms "exploded" in my hands, turning much more worse / stronger.
About the meeting still! This special doctor looked at me and said at the end of the meeting:
"Yeah, you are in no shape to work. Nor can you be rehabilitated. I will write you a statement about this and send it forward."
I'm waiting her statement. After all it's been only few days since I got diagnosed, she doesn't work during weekends and she sure as heck have other patients, not just me.
But YAY for autism! :D I celebrated it a bit with cake and strawberry soda, ahaha! <3 Everything, kind of, feels more peaceful now too. More peace with myself as well.
Thank you all SO MUCH for your support and patience with me! <3 It honestly and truly means A LOT to me! You guys are so lovely and awesome :3
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2 weeks, 6 days ago
11 Aug 2025 14:40 CEST
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