"The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best."
-Epictetus
What Epictetus is saying here isn't that you should only associate with those who share your views, but that you should take strides to associate with anyone who helps you to be a better person.
This can be literally anyone. A family member who is always encouraging you to try something new. A friend who asks you those difficult and uncomfortable questions that make you pause to reconsider why you're doing something. A co-worker who just "vibes" with you and brings out your most productive elements. A gas station cashier who always says just the right thing to lift your spirits.
Literally.
Anyone.
Do their politics, religion, ethnicity, or sexuality matter? Not at all. Does their intent matter? Somewhat. Does their impact on your life matter? Absolutely.
You can often find more uplifting people who disagree with your politics than your own. You will frequently find that another culture shows you better ways to empathize with your fellow humans. And you will certainly find that the desire to be better crosses all boundaries or differences.
If someone challenges you in a way that helps you to grow, see it for the opportunity that it is, and keep that person close. If someone has a truly positive effect on your mental health, keep that person close. If someone drives you absolutely crazy but means well in their attempts to help you, keep that person close.
This doesn't mean that someone who is consistently negative or unhelpful has to remain in your orbit; a difference of opinion is something that can be overcome, but an abusive relationship is an anchor that needs to be cut so the ship may sail freely. Over the last few years, I haven't spoken with family because I was giving all of myself with no thought or consideration toward how I was feeling. I willingly gave all that I could, only to be dismissed, disregarded, and even insulted. For all my attempts to help, I was not a person, but a pawn, and a disagreeable one because I did not share the same views as my family and they refused to ask why.
They took without giving so much as a moment of consideration toward my motivation, and they demanded more than I could give; it was not uplifting nor even challenging, but abusive. I have cut many anchors since then, and found many a safe harbor among unexpected allies, often challenging one another's actions and opinions without casting blame or judgement. Our goals align in that we all want to be better, and so we are becoming exactly that: better. Where once I sailed alone, I now have a steady crew ready to embark on life's adventures, if only I were to ask.
The more people you have to bounce ideas off of, to collaborate with, to get advice from, to learn a skill from, or to simply share a few laughs and words of encouragement, the better your life will be.
Be happy. Be healthy. Be mindful.
And don't hesitate to reach out to me directly, if even one of these Sunday Stoicism journals has helped you. I'd be happy to join your crew as well. :)
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1 week, 4 days ago
10 Aug 2025 14:30 CEST
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