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Cruel and Unusual Pun-ishment.

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I'm bored.  Give me your favorite puns.  

I'll start:

"Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana."  

(10 views?  Just for that I'm putting a pun in the next CP page)
Viewed: 30 times
Added: 2 weeks, 5 days ago
 
AlexHusky47
2 weeks, 5 days ago
I work for Les Schwab and I'm TIRE-d of my job. 😂
Timer
2 weeks, 5 days ago
I used to work for Domino's.  Now that was a pizza shit job.  
MviluUatusun
2 weeks, 5 days ago
When I was younger, I was always chasing the ladies.  One morning I woke and realized I was dog-tired from catting around.
Timer
2 weeks, 5 days ago
Too much dogging the pussies?  
MviluUatusun
2 weeks, 5 days ago
Then, I got a job with the electric company and I was shocked at what they expected me to do.  Before long, I found myself being short-tempered and wired up.  Then, I decided I wanted to be a baseball umpire but I struck out.
Timer
2 weeks, 5 days ago
I'm amped to know watt your current job is.
MviluUatusun
22 hrs, 19 mins ago
Sorry it's taken me so long to reply.  I wish I could come up with a good pun for my actual job but I can't.  (Quality Control)  However, I will think of some other "jobs" I've had that I can pun up real good.  Just give me a couple of days or so.
Timer
22 hrs, 8 mins ago
Looks like you have the job suited for you if you're not satisfied with a low-quality pun.
MviluUatusun
18 hrs, 42 mins ago
Hey!  All of my puns are high-quality.  I firmly believe that puns are the highest form of humor.  It takes a thinking person to come up with puns.  Thankyouverymuch!  LOL
johnnosk
2 weeks, 5 days ago
Warm me, I'm Chile
Knight me, I'm Arabian

To make a tissue dance, you must first put a little boogie in it... It's snot hard.
Timer
2 weeks, 3 days ago
I thought I bought an American fleshlight.  Turned out it was a "Mare Ick Can"

Used it anyway.
Elazul
2 weeks, 5 days ago
What did Mississippi say to Alabama?

Idaho, Alaska.
Timer
2 weeks, 3 days ago
That one caused me Missouri.  You should have to pay extra Texas for it.  
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