I didn’t choose the name Lilith. Nor did the name choose me.
Been doing a lot of pondering, introspecting, and so on, as is often the case with spiritual seekers such as myself. I have past life memories where I chose a name, and when I did so, the name I chose made sense.
For instance, when I was born among the Draconian people 75 quadrillion years ago, I chose the name Inanna. I did so for two reasons: the first was that I was there to be a “Lady of the Sky” who gave the Draconian people much-needed information and tools by which they could defend themselves from an evil they never saw coming. The other was to give closure to a previous life that was also called Inanna, a 16 year old girl whose hopeful and vibrant young life was cut short by a cruel and violent murderer. When my purposes were fulfilled, I set that name aside and chose another name so I could start afresh and be an ordinary person. I don’t even know what the name I chose was, even today.
“Lilith,” which means “Creature of the Night,” doesn’t make any kind of sense when it comes to the context of my life as Lilith hirself. The Lilith of mythology is nothing like the Lilith of reality. Real-world Lilith was a nerd, a bookworm, a fun-loving girl who enjoyed hir life and hir time with friends. Shi was openly sexual, casually so, and while shi may have had a kid or two, being a parent was never a goal of hirs. Nor was marriage.
Shi was absolutely not a child-killing monster, nor did shi drink blood, nor did shi hate men, nor did shi steal semen. The only thing Lilith was accused of that shi actually did was to say “no” to the wrong people. The other stuff is a direct result of the retaliation shi suffered through at the hands of those shi said “no” to.
According to myth, Lilith was the only surviving child of Lamashtu, a very very nasty demonlike goddess who did a lot of the things that Lilith is accused of doing. According to my memories, Lilith doesn’t think about hir mother at all. It’s not that shi doesn’t have one, it’s that shi doesn’t think about her.
Lilith is white-scaled, and an albino of hir kind. Hir friends in my memories of hir are all green-scaled with light bellies. The only Draconians I know of with white scales are the Anunnaki, the so-called “gods” of ancient Mesopotamia. Inanna, Enlil, Enki, Anu, and so on, are all white. While I have no memories of Lilith’s mother I can assume that Lamashtu is also white, being that she is the daughter of Anu himself.
My soul despises being assigned identities, and always has. I hate it when people try to decide for me the kind of person I am, what I will think, how I will feel, who I will love, and so on. Lilith equally despises the same thing.
And “Lilith” is a name I absolutely would NOT have chosen had I been given a choice.
I don’t know what name I would have chosen, but “Creature of the night” isn’t it.
And yet, “Lilith” is my name, just like the given name of the man sitting in this chair typing out this journal. While I wanted to believe that I was one of the lower-class green-scaled Draconians whom I loved and who treated me like a person, judging me by my actions instead of by my bloodline, the fact is that reality doesn’t support that idea. The evidence tells me that I was given the name “Lilith” at birth by my mother Lamashtu.
As for becoming a beloved individual on the opposite side of the planet, I suspect I chose that life to get away from Anunnaki drama, and for the most part was successful until Inanna chose my home to be her new vacation spot.
Interestingly, Lilith’s complete lack of thoughts about hir mother suggests that shi not only wasn’t loved, but probably wasn’t even noticed by hir mother... and was likely hated by the others because shi was Lamashtu’s daughter. As my own soul prefers the company of ordinary people, Lilith would have suffered in the drama-filled, backstabbing, conniving world of the Anunnaki.
What I’m trying to say is that I suspect that when Lilith left, no one cared. And Lilith doesn’t seem to have cared either. In fact, to my knowledge Lilith only ever had one love in hir life from my memories of hir: a green-scaled Draconian named Anasi, hir people’s shaman, whom she had sex with often and who saved hir life. If I had to put Lilith’s feelings towards Anasi into a single word, that word would be “Adoration.” Shi absolutely adores him.
All of this came from wondering if I should choose a new name to go by. Ultimately, however, given my strong draw towards the name of Lilith, I suspect that is the name I am here to identity as. To redeem hir much the way my long-dead past life did with the name of the 16 year old girl who died violently.
Lilith is one of the most feared and hated demons in the mythology of at least three different religions that I am aware of (Sumerianism, Judaism, and Christianity). The actual person is nothing like the demon. Perhaps I am here on this Earth in this body, drawn to the name of Lilith, to help restore to hir the real legacy of who shi actually is instead of what human society and Anunnaki arrogance has assigned to hir.
And that’s what I had to say.
~Lilith
