Those few that follow me have probably noticed I have been uploading the PLANED content at sparser intervals. They probably have read my previous journal too. I am far from interested in creating drama or anything like that, this is just to give you all notice.
No, it has nothing to do with family, luckily.
But it has to do with personal stuff.
Simply put: Bottling down something from 20 years ago, give or take a few years, because there is always more shit going on that needs your attention, may or may not come back to bite you in the ass.
It came back, and I am lucky the bite wasn't too hard. But it was still a bite and now I am likely going to need professional help, at least for a time.
I am just happy that I didn't push harder to try and prove something, because I fear that would've ended... poorly. However a mix of near anxiety/panic attack and close to two weeks of barely no sleep has caught with me. I am better now of course, but I hate talking about this, I haven't fully recovered my usual humor (and general clumsiness when talking to people. Look, my charisma just sucks) and while I don't feel depressed, I am seeking any excuse I can to play games and kill time without doing anything productive.
Fucking hate it. But I am getting back to editing stuff and, hopefully, will also get back to writing what is left of someone's little gifts.
Sucks I have had to put that on the backburner to get my own stuff moving, but after six months I wanted Spatium Sperma to start rolling, only for this to happen.
That is life, I guess.
Anyways. I won't be taking commissions next month and... I am not sure the first proper chapter of Spatium Sperma will come out either. I wanted to do it, but life is kind enough to stab you from the front, so you could say I was warned LONG before it happened at least.
Also explains a lot of general experiences in my personal life, but I will just stick a *MAYBE* note on that until I get aforementioned professional help and I figure out if that is the cause or I am just incompetent when it comes to dealing with people. Knowing me? Probably.
A bit of a ramble, no surprises there. If someone asked me to write something under a thousand words or less and aimed a gun at my head I would probably ask to be shot right away. It is what it is.
With that said, I will still upload the latest (I hope it is) perfected bit of Spatium Sperma today. I am just going to do a few things beforehand.
So, for those that take their time to read this: Thank you for your time.
And if you think you need to go see shrink, but think there is something more important: Fuck everything else and go. This shit just grows worse over time unless if you are unlucky, and betting something on a coin toss is bad enough, but with mental crap you are throwing a twenty sided dice, with nearly every fucking number meaning you lose.
Take care.
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1 month, 3 weeks ago
26 Jul 2025 17:59 CEST
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