Last weekend I watched the first episode of "The Amazing Digital Circus". I found it pretty weird at first, but after watching the fourth episode, I understood the real message behind it, which is quite raw and pretty easy to catch. I think the character I liked most at first was Pomni, she is pretty anxious, which reminds me of myself, but then I realized how bitterly equal I can be compared to Jax, especially in real life, for several reasons, mostly because I try to hide my emotive side, cuz I realized how dangerous it can be when you open your heart to someone else, the chance of that particular being deciding to use your weakened side against you for personal purposes is huge... It's just frightening.
I also must admit that I've been pretty productive in the past few weeks, in both professional and personal terms. I don't think it's a coincidence to the fact I decided to "focus on me" instead of "focusing on someone else". I've been trying to supply the role of "best friend" by searching for new people, including artists, hoping for some of them to be interested in creating ties with me, but sadly, I was mostly ignored, and I don't judge, especially the artists, they probably tend to believe I am after free art, which is not true. The truth is, I was seeking someone to be my new "Thereaven" (My former best friend), but deep inside, I know it will never happen, even if I become real friends with someone else, the whole situation would be totally different, so... I was basically running to catch up with the Sun, I would never succeed. However, like I've said... I decided to focus on myself recently, and surprisingly, I did it very decently... Extremely productive and satisfied....
I know it's premature... But.... Maybe I don't need a new best friend, maybe I don't need someone by my side. I know it might steal great experiences I would have with a close friend, like I had with my, already cited, former best friend... But, I am tired of seeking something or someone that might never come.... I don't want to depend on other people to be happy cuz it tends to hurt my feelings, and it's no one else's fault but mine! If I am happy as a solitary person, then that's exactly what I must be.
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3 weeks ago
25 Jul 2025 05:36 CEST
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