Sooo... been having a crazy and rough couple weeks again. Two coworkers of mine, totally separate from each other, each suggested I may have Generalized Anxiety Disorder of some kind, after I related some of my worries and feelings to them. I googled it... I hate when something undesirable fits me to a T like this. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/generalized_anxiety_di...
This explains so many of my feelings, along with my horrible stomachaches I've been having, same time on the dot every day, as well as why I'm avoiding all social contact despite being incredibly lonely from Toby and I working opposite ends of the day (I seriously see him maybe 20 minutes a day during the week, and then a couple hours Saturday while he catches up on sleep, and then I work half of Sunday and everything sucks). I'm constantly freaking out at work that I'm going to do a bad job at being a supervisor (a position I'm new to), or that I've made an employee mad or forgotten something important and disappointed my manager, etc etc this list is long.
I never used to worry about everything all the time, was fine with answering phones or getting emails, etc. Some things happened in high school that made me do a 180 on things. I went from being exceptionally carefree to being Chuckie from Rugrats. These days I have a small freak out when my phone rings, or even if I have a note on FA. Doesn't matter who it's from or what's in it, I just... panic. I always told myself I put off answering notes because I'm busy or tired or whatever, and those may be partly true sometimes, but it seems it's more that I'm afraid of talking to people and messing up, and then I put it off and feel bad for doing so, so I put it off longer and let the guilt build and build until I don't even log on to FA/IB/SF for a month.
I'm really glad my coworkers pointed this out to me. If it hadn't been for them putting a name to the problem, I would have just kept trucking, thinking worrying this much is just a quirk I have, or something that would just disappear eventually, hopefully. I'm going to try the methods that article mentions so I can learn that the world won't end if I don't worry about it constantly. I've had many people tell me I don't need to worry so much, but sometimes I just need something said in just the right way for it to get through my thick skull.
Anyways, I'm gonna try to pull back together here, go through my notes and organize the mess I left poor FA/IB/SF in :I
tl;dr Looks like I have GAD, and I'm sorry I was/am avoiding FA/IB/SF for a bit there while I dealt with a heavy dose of badness.
I still won't be very responsive in all likelihood until I come fully back into the swing of things, just as a heads up.