i can't do this anymore...i'm genuinely am loosening interest in the thing i used to be passionate about. now...
all it is is becoming a bad memories and is just running my friendships and the hope i had to continue enjoying it just dropped hard...
i actuality try to look up cream stuff just now and i can barely feel any of the nutrality i have other then distaste now... this year just told me all i needed to know. i thought i just had to worried about my wife being bullied again or my kids but.
I can't do it anymore...having to show stuff that i felt bad about and not hide it. the content defending of myself..and the genuine hate that i keep getting dispite any good thing i do...? get all overwrited becouse of this fucking cursed content. i didn't want to hate it i didn't want to dislike it..
i just wanted to prove that it was fine. prove being into something shouldn't effect you as a person..
but i can't i genuinely can't force myself to be okay with this... i thought i was helping people feel comfortable because i personally don't judge what do.. and i thought it was stupid to do so...
all i did was just make myself a target because i didn't want my friends to hate themselves or feel bad
well. you know what.. i did feel bad for my friends.. i still feel bad for my friends...hell i still feel upset about the incest thing but it not like i can go back 20 something years to undo it. i count my blessings that i have what i have now.
but seeing how things are going. my friends being effected. i can't put on the brave face anymore. this is not worth it if my friends are being pressured to ban me. and some of them even been begging me to make an alt account or delate this one and make a new one.. i already had to delete my old accounts and i really don't want to start over
and i hate alt accounts because it mean pretending to be someone i'm not just to duck there mutual friends..it's not gonna undo anything because i'm just gonna be myself and i don't know how to act like other people other then myself...
and..honestly if dropping these niche well at least give me some kind of normality.. i don't really see what other choice i have in the matter..
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friends if you are reading this. i'm not going to unfriend you or anything like that. but this been taking a hit and effecting my performance at home and my mental heath..but.they win..i'm sorry. but the mistreatment and abuse because i want to keep context to myself knowing it not gonna change either way.. i may as well just give up on this whole thing
and please understand.. this been going on for almost a whole year and i can only take so much before i genuinely what i'm being told might be facts.. and..i don't want that to be facts. because i'm starting to think they might on to something if one of my best friends Irl who i known for over 10 years finally had his own thing to say..
it's unhealthy to keep dubble downing on this stuff...even he said he's questioning his stance with me..
he's one of the most understanding friends i had.. and he told me.. "if you were like this when i first meet you. we wouldn't even be friends.." i'm clearly doing something wrong if even he's talking to me and starting to have doubts...this..feel like the only logical way to go
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1 month, 2 weeks ago
02 Jul 2025 03:48 CEST
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