I know what I said about these vent journals, but, this is an special ocassion
I'll keep it as short as possible
At the beggining of the year everything went right, I was ready to do and manage everything way better than previous years, appointing to go back to the origins
But things kept happening and the drawbacks started to accumulate, my works started to delay and the frustration started to grow, "next week I will fix this" I said, and then another random shit happens and ruins it again
My peace finished when the february commissions was done, after that moment and until this moment I fought with random annoying living things that managed to screw my work and my patience.
The last wing-its sold almost nothing and the last YCH too; I feel it is my fault somehow for being so inactive in the last months, but I can't avoid think that most ppl just lost interest in my art and don't want to commission me anymore
I feel somehow betrayed and alone at this moment
I have no friends to talk about the most personal part of this issue and my family has enough troubles too
I'm a sort of privileged person because I just need about 200usd per month to live happily (by the moment)
And it's frustrating that requiring so low I'm earning zero, I'm almost starving and losing the fucking head
On January I was optimistic thinking that I would save enough money to buy a new a powerful PC for xmas and start with the 3D works at full and now I can't even eat meat because is so fucking expensive and I had to survive three months with less than 15 dollars, I prefer to buy water rather than food because dying by dehydration isn't an option
And now I'm facing some big massive crap that is going to beat the shit out me in the next 48 hours YAY
BUT
I'm still optimistic (somehow) and I believe is just a matter of time, the moment I resume the posting schedule everything should improve a lot, right?
If it isn't the case, I think in some months I may quit drawing definitely because it seems so unviable at this point
I will get a job and save some coins for that goddamn pc and start with the 3D works and try it again
But for now, I don't know, I need to punch someone, eat a hamburguer or to be crushed by a truck, whatsoever happens first is okay
Thank you for reading, hope you are having a better life than mine
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1 month, 2 weeks ago
18 Jun 2025 10:13 CEST
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