Spring had been quite a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I've had so much going on for the past three months and only recently has things finally slowed down.
One big thing was my having to move again. This was expected as it was agreed upon with a friend who was very kind enough to allow me to stay at his house for a few years as I tried to save up money in a final attempt to reach a goal that I had been trying to achieve for years. The goal seemed unobtainable because I never factored in the possibility of there being an inflation. Because of that, conceded that life did not want me to succeed no matter what sacrifices I made.
So with the time of my stay nearing it's end, I was searching the local apartments for a new place. And was instantly reminded why I did the roommate idea in the first place. Prices for rent is maddening, in the past few years it got worse. And to make matters more challenging, most places nearby did not allow pets. That was a deal breaker for me anyway. At the time, my feline friend was very old and... no, to be real, even if he was young and full of life, I would choose him over the apartment, hands down. Where I move, he was coming, not negotiable.
One last option remained, to make one more attempt at my primary goal: try to get an actual house.
Anyone who has bought a house knows how much of a pain in the ass it is. You're jumping from hoop after hoop after hoop. To make matters more difficult, my job. I work 12 hour nights, which is very inconvenient considering that most things need to be done in the day. Result was me doing the process of getting a house right after work. Staying up hours past my bedtime and being sleep deprived the next day. But this was my final option, so I was going all in.....Or so I thought.
During the process, the unfortunate happened. My cat's body betrayed him and I had to make the hardest decision of my life. This hit even harder because my reason for every trying the house thing again was because of him. Because I was not going to abandon him. It was to be a permanent home for the both of us. But his body couldn't wait any longer.
Worst was that I didn't even have time to grieve as the very next day I had to take a tour of a house I was interested in and make an offer on it as the seller was closing the following day. I had to make serious decisions and a lot of adult things, while constantly returning home, expecting to be greeted by my now deceased cat... The only "benefit" (I don't like how that sounds, but I can't think of any other way to put it) from this is that, the apartments that didn't accept pets are an option again.
But I did not quit. I had done too much by now and out of principal, I was determined to see this house thing to the end for my fallen.
And after all of that....I was successful.
My offer was chosen out of 6 others. Made it to closing, signed the stack of paperwork until my arm was about to fall off. I was about to pass out as it was, once again, on a day right after I worked and had to stay up hours later to do this final deed. But I got handed the keys, the house is mine.
I have, for the first time in my 40 years, was able to complete a major goal. And though it's the best thing that's happened, it's still a bittersweet celebration.
The one who I did this for, didn't survive to see it. I had sacrificed so much that I have mostly nothing but my PC and a bed. So I've starting over. It's a slow process, but that's fine. The hardest, tedious part is over; I can do things at my own pace now.
Finally things have calmed down and I'm slowly starting to bounce back.
I will confess, because of all this I've been hitting the AI hard these past few months (Have ComfyUI, so it's not costing me money to generate.) I'm guessing it was my way of coping through all of the stress.
Lately, as of typing this up, I've been touching the tablet again. Meaning I am finally recovering and getting back to drawing
(Despite popular accusations, an artist can draw and use AI simultaneously. For me it is only possible since my laptop is what I use for art and desktop for AI art.))
Still not ready to post things up yet, but mentally, we're getting there. Here's hoping summer is kind to me.
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6 months, 1 week ago
01 Jun 2025 10:37 CEST
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