The way of love and the world at this point lets me down. But that's ok. I will just keep rolling. Do my thing and if he crosses my path again so be it. I've become content to just be what he wants. But if one day he looks back and sees his mistake, Nathan will know. He will remember these eyes, so full of hope and trust. He will remember the softness of my kiss, the feel of my nails on his back, fingers through hair. He will remember the jokes, the laughs, the times I held him when the world was at his heels. He will remember how much love I gave willingly and freely. He will remember the sweet surprises, the times when we just sat together and talked about hope and dreams. And he will have open eyes and remember how I looked when he hurt me over and over and made me cry. He will remember the people holding my hand in the Emergency room, as they detox'ed me enough so I could get help. He will remember that he didn't lift a finger to help. And he will see what I have become.
And it will have been without him that I have become this fighter, this still starry-eyed, hopeful woman who is a hell of a lot wiser. He will know. He will feel regret.
And I forgive him. Because, God's help him, he knows not what he does. He is just a boy, not yet a man.
I am alive. I am trying. I am fighting.
I hope he can see what he has done, is doing, and can see before its too late to save it.
6 years, 6 months ago
10 Oct 2012 22:41 CEST