I've been wrong about so much in my life that it's almost comical. Every time I came up with some new bit of knowledge I acted like I knew it all, and ended up falling on my face every time.
I'm done doing that. When I started going by Lilith a lot of my past started making sense. So I figured that Lilith was my name, and I ran with it.
The thing is, it actually was my name. Keyword: was. It was a name that was assigned to me at birth a long time ago, in another lifetime. When people assign you a name, they are exerting a form of dominance over you, whether they realize it or even want to do so or not. It's a means of owning the person. In a previous journal I wrote that I was assigned the name Anasgael, but that's not consistent with what I know about my past. I was born into a group of people calling themselves the Followers of Anu, and their whole society was built around dominance and ownership of other people. Mythology calls me Lilith because that's the name the Followers of Anu gave me. Mythology doesn't remember Anasgael, because that's the name I chose for myself.
Lilith is a name that fills me with hate. Hatred of the people who harmed me both in this life and in past ones, hatred of all those who betrayed and lied about me, who made up stupid stories about me for the sake of their own dominance. Lilith, for all the inherent beauty in the name, is a curse upon me.
When I became a follower of Jesus in that life, I changed my name to Anasgael, which means "My Kinsman-Redeemer Is Gracious." I did this because he indeed is gracious. He not only saved me, but several other members of that ancient cult as well, and we chose names for ourselves that we felt were worthy of the new way of life we had chosen to live.
In this current lifetime, I have gone through so much pain, hate, cruelty, and lies, that in many ways my current life parallels that of Lilith. And in embracing the name of Lilith, I have become bitter just as I was way back then. I didn't want to be Anasgael because she didn't really have any history in my mind. But she does, actually. Anasgael is literally Lilth. She simply changed her name after her life was changed for the better. In a similar way, I now choose Anasgael for my name, as I like the overall feel of who Anasgael is, and the effect that name has on my mind and heart.
Finally, I'm completely altering the color scheme for Anasgael. No longer will she be the brown-haired, white-scaled dragoness I've drawn in the past. Now she will be a lively green with a white belly... which is the original color scheme I wanted to believe I had back when I first started searching for my soul name back in 2009.
So that's what I wanted to say. Thank you for taking the time to read. ^.-.^
| Viewed: |
3 times |
| Added: |
1 week ago
25 Feb 2025 17:44 CET
|
|
|
