I think sometimes life throws you into chaos to help you realize the things that are wrong around you. A month ago, I believed I had a future husband, a soulmate, and the happiness I had been waiting for.
Today, I look over the chard and shattered remains that represented all of those hopes and I realize those were the dreams of someone who was naive to realize that perhaps those dreams were not agreed to by the person who had my heart.
This week will mark 1 month since the break-up. In that time we have had maybe 30 minutes worth of conversation total. Unfortunately this has resulted in my finding out the darker side of him the hard way. He said several times he wants to at least maintain a friendship at some point, I don’t know if it would happen. There is so much hurt and broken trust, not to mention the heart he ripped out, spit on, then stomped out like a cigarette. It will be a very long process of healing, mending, anger, and repairs, and, truth be told, I feel he is too cowardly to take on that process.
I know why I hurt again, but all I can do is try to move forward. Find new things I may enjoy (Trying to find new stuff each day,) meet new people and make new friends, but the big one is getting back to helping the people around me and getting deeper into the community I love so much.
Perhaps there will be an upside to this, and as @KaioOtter said when we parted ways Thursday, I will find the real happy place I’ve been looking for all along.
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2 months ago
23 Feb 2025 23:00 CET
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