As 2024 came to an end, I started figuring out ways to start re-organizing myself as a person and as an adult, chasing projects and whatnot, and found out keeping a physical list was the sweet spot for me.
I've been also trying to hype myself up, I've had a terrible habit of sidetracking myself and overloading myself with information, so far this month I've been doing a good job at keeping that in check, but I'm still not where I want to be.
I got the feeling I need to step up the art production, I'm in a situation where my day job is not paying at all due to a lack of customers and we're scraping by, and I get that existential dread of feeling like a failure with two elderly parents who are getting most financial help from my siblings and family, where I'm just a broke failure, even if I do help a lot with physical labor at home.
I'm currently also trying to push an improved youtube career, I want to graduate into a video essayist, those take longer to make and they are riskier since being a small potato of a channel can get me buried from the algorithm for not uploading daily, but it's something I'm feeling strongly about, so I gotta wrestle the dread of not making that "weekly upload" dread, I'm trying to avoid overwhelming myself too much and keep rekindling my love for gaming.
I need to start going on walks again, but I feel I need to have my phone repaired first... I got a step counter, but the battery is so busted, phone shuts down at 90%, I could get a battery replacement, but I'm in that paradox of being unsure about fixing it, or saving for a new phone, not that I can save with anything what with being broke atm.
I need to advertise my commission work more often too, I always tell myself to be more active but I keep falling into the vicious cycle of fooling myself into feeling like I'm working towards it when I'm not doing anything at all, I gotta work out some issues there, I'll announce commissions after this journal tho!
January is being rather stressful, fingers crossed February gets to let me take a breather.
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4 months, 1 week ago
25 Jan 2025 02:10 CET
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