I just had a moment of self-reflection, and realized that how I treated people, it wasn't just a one-or-5 time thing, it how I always was when I first got onto DeviantArt. I couldn't take criticism, I couldn't handle being wrong, and I couldn't handle other's thought processes different than mine. This has been going on for longer than I realized, and now it's hitting me like a brick wall. I've lost friendships, I drove people away, and even the community that made me who I am no longer wanted me around to bother them.
It's all my fault. I didn't see because I chose not to see. I guess what made me think of this was when I scoured through Deviantart, and started reliving my childhood, only to realize that my time on Deviantart wasn't shit because of other people, but because of me. I unblocked a couple of users, and messaged them to see if they were okay, and right now I'm just awaiting a response. But after that, I looked back and remembered how we interacted, and it made me realize, holy shit, I was horrible. I refused to admit that I was in the wrong, and took it out on others.
At this point, I remembered what the Lord taught to me about forgiveness, and in order for me to achieve real peace, I had to forgive them, which as I am writing this, I surely hope they know that. I fucked up, majorly. I lost so many people, and I don't want to lose anyone anymore. I just hope that my behavior and atittude has improved somewhat recently, because if it hasn't, I won't forgive myself for it.
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1 month, 2 weeks ago
18 Jan 2025 05:26 CET
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