[Based loosely on true events]
I still remember the first attack.
it occurred in 2019.
Before this event, I had never experienced sleep paralysis before but this was during a time when I was experiencing extreme stress due to the man who SA’d me going on trial. My mind raced through every possible event almost every day, and the trauma caused flashbacks that plagued me in even my least vulnerable moments, striking whether I felt safe, or not. Whether it be in school, or at home.
Because of this, Sleep became almost impossible as I tossed and turned every night, migrating across my bed as I searched for the sweet comfort of rest that refused to take hold of me. I’ve always had trouble sleeping but it had gotten worse due to the current circumstances, whether it be flashbacks or nightmares, sleep always refused to take hold.
Again. I have never experienced sleep paralysis before, I turned onto my back in an attempt to get comfortable, laying in place for no more then 4 seconds at the most.. when I heard the door creak. I tried to turn and see what was going on, but my body was locked in place
I remember being confused.. I obviously knew what sleep paralysis is as I’ve heard stories about it but, once again, I myself had never experienced it before. The door handle rattled and it twitched as it seemed someone or something attempted to open it. My eyes remained fixed on my door, any attempt to call out to my parents was futile as my mouth was closed and refused to open. The faint sound of a hum slipped through my lips, but was so weak that a whisper would’ve been more effective. I realized I must be be experiencing sleep paralysis and my eyes darted around the room, trying to see if something was there. as nervous as I was, I was also curious, wondering what I would see and since I knew it was sleep paralysis, I wasn’t afraid because whatever I saw wouldn’t be real and couldn’t hurt nor touch me…
That’s when my door opened. And were the mere moments before I realized how wrong I had been.
I don’t know how to describe what came into my room. It was a pitch black figure, and shaped like a human but didn’t have any discernible features. Despite having a human shape, it was mostly amorphous. Like someone wearing one of those green screen body suit’s, stained with its shadows. It was as if they were a hole in the world yet could move through it and bring that opening with them at their every step.
I started hearing breathing as the creature approached my bed, slowly as it reached the edge. It folded its arm over itself, at least I think so, it was hard to tell with how it blended in. The darkness of their form was solid and all encompassing, I couldn’t make out any edges.
and then I felt something grasp my shoulder. It was a hand, I made out every single finger as it gripped my shoulder.
The Hallway light illuminated my room, but not the creature. It started reaching over, I felt a pressure on my chest as it climbed on top of me, laying down over me with its face hovering right above mine. I felt its breath against my lip and despite not being able to see any facial features, I could feel its gaze bore into me. Its breath heavy as it got so close I felt its lip graze mine.
I could hear my heart in my throat as panic set in. This thing, whatever it was. It was touching me. I felt its face so close to mine I was worried it was going to try and kiss me. I tried to speak, no. To scream. But a long drawn out squeak was all I could muster, it was quiet and pathetic. I could hear it in my throat but it wouldn’t slip past my mouth no matter the effort. The weight on my chest got heavier and I felt them lean forward, their breath heavy. I was worried about what they would do next when… they simply climbed off of me and stood up, they stared down at me from my beside before turning around and phasing straight through the door that was now closed.
I shoot up in a cold sweat, I tried to scream but my mouth was clenched shut. my teeth chattered, my hairs were standing on end, my chest heaved with each breath I took.
What do I do? Do I get up? Turn the lights on? Hide? Call for my parents? (I was 13 when this occurred.)
And If I did call for my parents.. would they even come if I called?
Or was this normal? Was this normal for sleep paralysis? I had never heard of someone having tactile sleep paralysis before, I didn’t know what to do. I tried reaching for my phone but my eyes were getting heavier, I clawed at the blankets, pushing against the comforter and reaching for my device. I don’t remember what was going on in my mind or why I was so desperate to reach it.
But my head slumped and I sinked into mattress and fell through, being pulled down into a deep sleep with my hand still outreached.
When I woke up, I was laying on my stomach, sprawled sideways onto the bed with my hand resting on my bedside table, inches away from my phone. I was confused, groggy and felt like my insides were being clawed at. I struggled to force myself to sit up. but even so, I managed to take my medication, drink some water, and start my day with no further issues.
Nothing eventful occurred for awhile after that, it seemed.. normal, peaceful. There was no news of the trial and things seemed to settle down and get better. I didn’t mention the incident to my parents nor my therapist. I didn’t feel the need to, after all it was stressed induced right? It wasn’t something to worry about… or so I thought.
I don’t know how long passed when the next attack occurred, but this one was much different then the last. It was the early morning, the sun shining through my pink curtains. I was tired and my eyes opened unevenly, I didn’t know what to expect but it definitely wasn’t this.
When I opened my eyes. The creature was laying directly on top of me once again, its form still pitch black even with daylight bleeding through the curtains. It was as if I was staring into a human shaped void. I screamed, obviously. and the creature climbed off of me, almost gracefully. I sat up and watched as it glided out of my room and disappeared through my door like a chess piece. While some people simply pick up their pawn and place it down on the intended end point. Some tend to lean the piece slightly forward when playing, keeping the bottom pressed to the board as you glide it across the checkered boxes. This is especially true when it comes to either the queen piece. Or the king.
I was so panicked that it didn’t even occur to me that I had been fully able to move, able to shout. Yet nobody came to the sound of my shriek. It wasn’t as if I was home alone, it was the weekend and my parents were right across the hall, separated only by a curved banister that lead to their room. The time was around 9 o’clock in the morning and both of my parents were the type to get up at around 6.
I knew they were home.
And I knew they were awake.
But when I screamed.
Nobody came.
…
We moved soon afterwards and came to Arizona, I thought I was safe, that whatever that thing was wouldn’t find me. I believed this because a year passed and nothing had happened. Nothing was happening…
Nothing I was aware of.
But as I came to find out. I didn’t need to know what was happening for it to happen. It’s hard to describe what began to occur, but I was 15 when I started showing pregnancy symptoms. I had not had sex in 2 years, and even when I did, I hadn’t consented. My SA’r may have been acquitted due to lack of evidence but he was in a completely different state. I didn’t know what was happening. I felt nauseas and would throw up a lot and showed other symptoms. The worst of which being when I started to lactate. Almost all my shirts were stained and stiff due to this. But I’d rather not go into more detail.
I even gained an allergy to sage, which I only found out about due to being at an up-cycling convention where someone happened to be burning it, my temperature plummeted, my stomach felt empty and my head felt like it was filled with static, it got so bad that I passed out and missed the events end, a fact that disappointed me at the time.
What was going on? had I been assaulted in my sleep? The thought of such a possibility terrified me more than the possibility of being pregnant.
But after the aforementioned convention, the symptoms disappeared and I breathed a sigh of relief, waving it off as a fluke. just a combination of stress and the flu. I don’t really want to give much detail about my being sick. Honestly I don’t remember as much as I’d like too. This time was so horrifying that I blanked out for most of it. I remember feeling nauseous and not completely there most days.
when I finally seemed to start getting better, and when the sickness finally faded.
The attacks started up again.
Worse this time.
I started to see the creature at school, crawling along the walls and in the dark corners of the rooms. it’d climb out of the loose parts of the ceiling grid and follow me from classroom to classroom in spider like fashion. Every hole in the ceiling tile allowed me to see it scuttling along after me. Most kids spent high school days with their heads down, meanwhile I kept mine fixed to the ceiling.
Night time wasn’t any better,
I would feel nails digging into my back as it remained flush against my mattress, naturally, my back arched and I felt the nails dig in deeper. It was as if someone was under my bed. And was somehow able to phase their hand through the mattress and make contact with my back.
I would hear my name being whispered, hear the creaking of the door, see… things. Standing beside my bedside.
And would even feel pressure at the edge of my bed as if someone was sitting there. At first I thought that final part was my cat, but a recent attack changed my mind about that…
I’m 18 now, And I had begun wearing an eye mask to bed to prevent my cat from scratching my face, he’s a playful kitty who loves to knead and make biscuits and he used to do it directly on my eyelids. Adorable. But not exactly pleasant. Wearing an eye mask also helped so that if something was standing beside my bedside. I wouldn’t have to see it.
It was night time, and I was laying in bed on my right side, my hand laid at my side when I started hearing noises. I ignored it. Thinking that Hiccup(my cat) was being mischievous or something. But that thought was snuffed out as I heard my name being whispered. I tried to move and was horrified to find myself locked in place. It was happening again! I managed to turn my head ever so slightly, pushing it to point upwards as I tried to will myself to move. I heard my door start creaking open and began to panic, I couldn’t move. My whole body was stuck other than my wrist. I shook it back and forth rapidly in desperation, trying to reach out but my hand would barely inch any direction beside side to side.
I felt the mattress sink as my hand began to hover over the pillow, my hand shivered faster and faster as this creature laid on me again. I kept reaching up, my hand barely inching upwards even with all my effort. I felt something, wet and slimy drag against my cheek. I couldn’t see what it was due to my eye mask and I really don’t want to guess.
I felt its head pull slightly back, my hand raised higher and higher as I tried to grab this thing, pull it off, do something! Anything!
When I heard it speak. Everything went cold. I was horrified. It’s hard to remember exactly what it said as I was terrified, I know for a fact it said “I” and “you. So I think it said either one of two things…
“I’m coming for you”
Or
“I love you”
After it spoke, it disappeared. It didn’t walk away like it usually did or climb off me. It just vanished. I rushed to pull off my eye mask and to sit up but was immediately yanked back down into the mattress by some strong overwhelming force.
And when I opened my eyes next. It was the morning. And I was fed up.
Enough was enough.
I started doing research, right there in my bed. trying to figure out what the hell this could possibly be, as eventually. I found the answer.
The incubus phenomenon. A form of sleep paralysis where it feels like someone is laying on top of you.
At first, I was relieved. Having finally found an answer. But dread crept upwards from my back, the hairs on my neck stood on end as I continued looking for information. I found articles of women’s personal experiences.
This phenomenon had occurred for them too, and the more I read, the more horrified I got. Almost all of the reports I saw included mentions of becoming pregnant.
Instinctively I placed a hand over my front, not knowing what to think as I read about women who experienced this report how they became pregnant by unknown means, sure they could just be lying, maybe they didn’t want to admit to cheating on someone or they didn’t want their parents to know they were doing naughty things or whatever. But why were they all saying the same thing? There were separates articles, some in different languages, from different places..
There was no information I could find about what happened to the children or the births, honestly I didn’t try that hard to look because I was worried about what I’d find.
I thought back to when I had been sick… was I really sick? Or had someone really assault me in my sleep… and the sage.. had it really been a random allergy I never knew about? Or was it the result of carrying a demon inside me. If that was it. Did the burning sage…kill it? Was that why I had that reaction?
If so then is that why the attacks got worse?! Was the demon angry about it!?
My mind ran at a million miles per minute as I had a million questions. So many things weighing on me and terrifying me. It felt like I was 12 again, when my SA’r took advantage of me. I felt that feeling of overwhelming fear take over once again and I couldn’t breathe, my face got numb and it felt like plastic. I scratched and tugged at it, trying to pull it off.
It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be. There’s no way….
I was snapped back into reality as my cat sat on my lap, gently pressing his head into my hand and my mind cleared. He’s an emotional support animal, and seeing my panic, had come over to comfort me, doing his job perfectly.
I managed to calm down thanks to him, I pet him and his purrs grounded me in place. My breath slowed and my tension eased. While I was calm, the fear definitely hasn’t left me. It’s 11:58 pm as I write this as I’m trying as hard as possible not to sleep anymore, to stay up as long as I can so that I will never be attacked again.
But the exhaustion is getting to me and I know I can’t hold out forever… eventually.. sleep will take hold of me and I will end up falling asleep…
And I’m terrified to know what may happen to me… while I’m asleep.
