Hello everyone
It’s been such a long time, hasn’t it? I’ve taken this time to heal... a journey that has been anything but easy.
I want to share something deeply personal, something that has shaped these past 4 years for me.
I lost my beloved, and though I fought so hard to hold onto hope, he didn’t make it. The clinic did everything they could in those final moments, and for that, at least, I’m profoundly grateful for their kindness and dedication. The hospital allowed us to stay by his side for as long as we needed... to hold him, to say our goodbyes, and to be present for his final moments. This was during the height of the covid/corona pandemic, a time when the world felt so isolating, when even stepping outside or being with loved ones was restricted. Yet they gave us this gift, a chance to share those precious moments together. It’s a kindness I'm truly thankful for.
But a part of me still wrestles with the anger... the anger I feel toward the doctor who had seen him for years. The one who reassured us at every visit that all was well, that he was in excellent health.
How could they have missed it?
How did we go from hearing “everything looks perfect” to realizing it was too late to save him?
That frustration and sense of betrayal linger, even as I try to move forward.
The weight of it all... grief, disbelief, exhaustion... took a toll on every part of me. My mind, my body, my spirit… all felt fractured.
As the saying goes, "Ein Unglück kommt nicht allein." (misfortune seldom comes alone) and it felt as if the world was proving that to me every single day.
I miss him.
I miss him with every beat of my heart.
There’s an ache that I carry, and I wonder if it will ever soften, ever let me speak of him without breaking into tears. Even now, as I write this, I'm sobbing my eyes out.
It’s been years, but it feels like only last week that we said our final goodbye.
I hope life has been gentler to you.
As for me, I’m taking small steps toward something brighter. I’ve decided to return to creating, to making art again after four long years. It feels like rediscovering a part of myself I’d forgotten, and I’m eager to see how much I’ve retained... maybe even how much I can grow.
Thank you for letting me share this. It feels vulnerable, but also freeing. I look forward to reconnecting and meeting new people along the way.
With love and hope
Mirthion
[Thank you for having been a part of my life.]
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2 months ago
14 Jan 2025 20:34 CET
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