So what's been going on with me lately? A whole lot, honestly. I'm still trying to get a job and actually have a really good chance of one now. I've been being hit on by many guys at once on fetlife, and my ex tried to get sexual favors out of me. I'm actually...very turned off of men anymore. I'm just not feeling them anymore. I don't even find it that worth it to go out and meet these guys just for the possibility of some sex. It's just no longer worth it to me, and my soul craves for more. A true connection, and craves something new like women, or another transguy, or transwomen. I don't want to keep doing this sort of thing for and with men. I'd rather be stable and not living with my ex in order to really feel okay about going out and possibly fucking. I just don't trust guys anymore honestly. They could always take the condom off and keep going. They could always rape me in the ass again. They could always carry some terrible, life-long disease and not tell me about it. Guys are just...too untrustworthy, and my gut and my soul knows what I need, and it isn't them. As for my ex...I will never touch you again. That last time I begged and cried and pleaded, was the very last time I ever beg anyone for my bare minimum. If I know they can't provide that, I'm gone, and most men just can't provide that for me. I want something money can't buy, I want something true, something deeper, something more meaningful, something that I know for sure has my back when I'm down. It's so funny that now that I'm getting all this attention...now I don't want it. I'm not the same person I used to be so long ago. So much has happened, so much has changed me. I may be a hypersexual but now I've gained so much control that now, I don't want it out of control again. Ever again. Also my porn that I make kinda does it for me, ya know? Why have to answer to some man to get off? Why have to do all this running around in the dead of winter, to get my rocks off, when I can do it in 10-20 minutes and be done? It's just not worth pleasing them anymore. I got so much going on in my life, and now isn't the time for me to fuck it up with men. I'm sure you are all very nice gentlemen, but I'm not the one who's ready to play right now...I'm very sorry. I may be a hypersexual and all but my standards of access has been raised a lot, I've got a lot I have to do and worry about moving out too, and just too much on my fuckin plate right now to risk anything. I'm not that person anymore, I wish I could just flip the switch and go back to that but I can't now. I've grown too much, I've witnessed and felt way too much. My journey through this darkness is not over yet, but I am almost to the light, I can feel it.
(Thank you to anyone who has donated so far, you mean the world to me whoever has.)
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4 weeks, 1 day ago
09 Jan 2025 02:00 CET
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