As usual, I always feel like typing journals at some ridiculously late hour when most people will be asleep.. But here we go!
For those of you who haven't read my past journals, I tend to be in a pretty stressful financial situation most of the time. I have been self employed (eBay sales, art, odd jobs) for much of my adult life with some 24-32 hr per week jobs mixed in here and there. Now I have ONLY been self employed since mid 2023 and the stress of coming up with money for rent, food and other bills each month is not only affecting me but also my roommates.
While I am not opposed to getting a "normal job", it's a very intimidating task to find something I would be okay with. There are also so many downsides that always keep me from wanting to go for it including:
* Less time to spend with friends and family - This is EXTREMELY important to me and is the main reason I've dealt with the stress of not having steady income for as long as I have. Every single day feels like I never have enough time to do the things I want and need to do while keeping in touch with people who are important to me.
* Less time for art - The other major concern.. Between all the time I spend doing housework, cooking, other everyday tasks that need to be done and spending time with my family and friends, I already have a hard time getting in the drawing mindset. Once I finally do, I can usually draw for hours but it always gets interrupted once I have to cook dinner (and neither my boyfriend or our other roommate cook.. so it's always on me). On the other hand, having steady income *might* make it easier for me to focus on art since I won't have to worry about money when I'm working on things I've been paid in advance for. Either way, having less time and needing to be on someone else's schedule seems worrisome.
* Less ability to travel - This one is kind of a catch 22 since never having much extra money makes it hard to travel but having a job makes it difficult to get time off to travel. Most people I know work full time jobs so my being able to drive to visit them and stay for basically as long as they want me to has been great. My biggest goal with my art has always been to make t-shirts, acrylics and possibly some more unique merchandise to sell at cons so being able to get time off to travel is super important.
* Other negatives such as wear and tear on my car, social anxiety, irrational fears, and the possibility of losing my Medicaid coverage are also pretty major concerns. And yes, I realize that a lot of this probably comes off as sounding whiny or privileged to people who have worked full time jobs for most of their lives and have accepted the sacrifices that come along with that. My way of living is very different than most people's and I have worked VERY hard to get everything I own and be able to keep the house we've been renting since 2020. I did actually make a super nice resume and applied at a local print shop I was sure I'd get hired at; only to never even be able to talk to management or get a call back.. I also asked about job opportunities at Michael's but was told they only needed temps around the holidays. Plus their site doesn't even let you apply unless they have openings. >_<
With all of that being said, I **NEED** to have some sort of steady income. I currently owe many commissions from MFF as well as past commissions so I absolutely cannot and will not take on more paid art work until I make substantial progress on those. Having a roommate/ art partner/ manager or someone local who could help me manage my time better would be ideal but I've not had any luck as far as that goes. I would also still like to sell some of my traditional art but I haven't had any luck finding buyers outside of cons.
If you took the time to read this journal, I greatly appreciate it. I really hate asking for hand-outs or even burdening others with my personal problems but any helpful input would mean a lot to me. Thanks to all of my loyal watchers and fans and here's to hoping that 2025 will be an awesome year for everyone! <3
~Jam
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2 months, 2 weeks ago
06 Jan 2025 10:19 CET
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