Hey all, Ben here, just doing a little personal reflection for the year. I think I've posted more this year than literally any other year I've been doing this. 111 posts since April from the look of it, and the last post on Tauren Tuesday will make 112. A few of those were art pieces, but the first post was extra long, so that's easily over 112k words I've posted this year.
On one hand, I'm proud of myself for keeping a streak for this damn long. Consistency and motivation have been longtime struggles for me.
On the other hand... is it worth it? What makes it worth it?
I guess it goes back to the start. Why did I start posting my writing? I dunno... validation? Isn't that why most folks share their work? Sure, some might claim it's just to make other people happy, and honestly that is very much a factor in it too, but, like, my personal stories don't make me any money. Many of them aren't even all that well-received. I think on average, one part is lucky enough to get a hundred views, and many don't even quite hit that. Plus, my highest viewed/favorited pieces are... art that I didn't even make. Did I do it just to boost my ego? Did I want people to tell me my writing is good? I actually very recently got probably the nastiest comment I've ever received before. It was on Ao3, but honestly I just laughed at it. It was probably a troll because it was very nonspecific, and I know Dearly Devoted Draenei isn't my best work, but I told myself that "I post for me more than anyone else, so why should it bother me what others think?" So, does that rule out me doing it for validation? Do I just do it because I like it? If I like it, why do I feel distressed and disappointed when I run out of material to post?
I suppose that ultimately, you get out of it what you put into it. Just posting thrice a week might not be enough when it comes to writing, but I don't think I have the fire or time in me to write more than that. If I start pushing myself too hard, I burn out, and then the silence settles over my pages. Ironically, I swear I pull in more new watchers and favorites when I'm on a break, which I very much don't understand. I think there's a part of me that wants to be on par with all the freaking amazing smut artists that are out there. I have all these characters that I've made up stories for that it'd be amazing to see them all on paper if I could. I've tried taking up drawing since I got my tablet, but I haven't really committed to it and it's such a difficult skill to manage without constant diligence. I wish I could just post one thing that the average person can consume with a few-second glance, rather than post several chunks of hours-long work that can't be understood without each other, and take significantly more time to consume.
Alright, I wrote that upper part during a late night where I was questioning everything, but normally I feel much better than that.
Honestly, to everyone who's read any of my work: Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I've still got plenty of material to keep me going for quite a while, and I'm still writing and trying to keep up with commissions in the background, which I will eventually post.
That being said: I haven't heard from you all in forever it feels like! I'm gonna throw survey out into the world for my lovely readers just to see what your thoughts are. Most of the answers allow multiple picks, and it's just to give me an idea of what piques your guys' interest! I do mostly write for myself, but I've tried to take readers into consideration when I write certain pieces, and at the end of the day it's fun to make people happy in some way from my writing. I'll be linking the survey under some of my next posts for a few weeks as well. I haven't used this site before, so fingers crossed it works out.
What's in store for next year? Definitely more Drenan's Folly. Maybe I'll even finish it before year's end. I'll be posting a couple new(ish) stories for Thursdays and Saturdays at first, but whatever the survey yields might influence my later decisions.
And hey, if you would prefer to decide something for yourself, I do take commissions at $8/1,000 words! I gotta update my usual terms and find someplace to stick that too. I'm honestly not very fast at commission turnaround though, so I don't really promote it a ton.
So I guess that covers my bases as far as the usuals. I sincerely hope everyone has as happy of a new year as you can! Stay horny and happy out there!
I enjoy your stories, and your humor, it fees strangely personal. I know I dont relaly know you personally, but you put so much of yoursef in your stories that I cannot help but like you haha. Thank you for another year of writting ben! And I get the "Why do I do this?" regarding art, but im happy to hear you sort ir ot in a reflective manner <3
I enjoy your stories, and your humor, it fees strangely personal. I know I dont relaly know you pers
Thank you so much for reading, especially throughout so many of my dry spells! There's definitely bits and bobs that get taken from my personal life, as well as Eliza's (nothing incestuous of course!) and it's nice to hear that some of those bits shine through as genuine and add to my pieces. I'm definitely not stopping writing, but some nights you just get it in your head that you gotta lay it out and sort through it.
I'm thankful that I have a supportive enough family that I have a hand in not letting the depressive thoughts get the best of me more often than not, but I feel for anyone who doesn't, and even if you do it doesn't always help. But that's why we sometimes turn to fiction, right? It's an escape that we can use to feel more comfortable before getting back to the daily grind.
... even if my stuff is mostly family-fucking fantasy XD
Thank you so much for reading, especially throughout so many of my dry spells! There's definitely b
