Well, Today is December 31st, 2024, the last day of this ever so crazy year I'll try to keep this short but I likely won't... I woke up the first day of January of this year thinking "Hey In December of this year I'll have my bachelor's and my second college degree and will be ready to move out sometime in 2025"
But in reality, things would be far different than reality, I want to say the hardest moment of this year was losing my maternal grandfather in late April of this year, the past few years leading up until his death I had been checking in on him, making sure that his "damn phone" was working right and looking out after for his sisters as well. But I realized now after the fact that those moments of me helping him out with his phone or something else were bonding time I would never trade the world for after his death. I likely won't ever stop missing him, but keeping the memories of when he was here alive motivates me to keep going at the end of the day try my hardest and keep going. I know if he could see me now he would say "Don't cry for me keep going and make me proud to be your grandfather!" or something along those lines. Me and my family might likely figure out a new tradition whether the date of his passing will roll around or not, or me to do one myself once I'm out on my own.
The next major thing I want to spill my thoughts about is my ex and dating "problems" that weren't really on my end but just the results of the person I was with not being the person I thought. The short story is about my most recent ex trying to text him felt like pulling teeth, I understood he was busy but I knew the moments I got a response back felt like he made my day, even with the ups and downs we had along with similar opinions, and if the lack of communication never happened we would have been still together but it never happened. After begging and I mean begging him to say something the response I got back from him was "Sorry I had been going through a hard time" and he did not elaborate more about it, which yes I did bring up around my close friends about the problems I had with my relationship.
Then what felt like the straw that broke the camel's back was one day I was adding someone to play Minecraft bedrock I thought "Hey let me type my BF's tag on the Xbox thing to see if he has been offline" to see had been online whereas his Telegram showed "last seen in a week" which I smelled Bullshit about. Further context was I got a commission with my Sona and his with something he was into that I was okay with, and I wanted him to see it but with the lack of responses I had been getting for several weeks it felt like he did not care about me, as it was a birthday gift for him as his birthday was coming up. Furthermore, there was a Hurricane that had hit with his lack of responses was happening the next day once I had a cell signal and had my friends reaching out to me he was the only person who had not bothered to ask if he was okay so then and there I knew it was over.
I did what I usually did, I wrote him a letter saying "Hey tell me what's wrong within a week or it's over" Around the time I got better signal and got my power back, a week and several days went by and he read the message on telegram. There was a part of me that wondered if he would try to fight for me, ask me what was wrong and why I felt that way, and explain what had happened with him and to this day I never figured out what was up. It could have been possible he would have been going through a hard moment and I was selfish in wanting an answer but I was worried about someone who I thought would have been my other half. But I never got the answer and sometime later his Discord and Telegram accounts disappeared I also removed him from my Xbox app with the last thing I sent him was that ultimatum.
I was low-key depressed losing my grandfather seeing all this bad weather and a Hurricane did not help either, even though I did not want to admit it but I was, but I was thankful I had friends by my side to help me out before I "snapped out of it" of my depression funk. But despite how bad and awful this year was emotionally there was a lot of good that came from it. I graduated college with my second college degree, it being a bachelor of arts in various things like digital media and graphic design things along with a functional understanding of the not-for-profit/art management world, with me having a solid chance with the professors and people I worked/ went to class with. I went through an internship that I had a lot of fun with, which gave me a chance to explore the city (even though it was, in reality, two areas). Along with the moments that had me someone who tended to stand off to the side to smile a bit, with job prospects as well which I will act on Next Year/January.
Even though I could have said "Oh losing someone you cared about, breaking up with someone you had been with for nearly 3 years, and dealing with people who aren't your friends causing problems" to be the reason to just throw in the towel and give up. I kept going no matter how badly I wanted to crawl into bed and cry all day not leaving my bedroom or leaving my house to begin with.
This is going to be the same mindset I'm going to carry with going into next year, as the future is looking very bright to me.
Now then... see you all next year I want to finish things on a high note.
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1 month, 3 weeks ago
31 Dec 2024 15:56 CET
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