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Overthinking things

If you have some time and have read any of the Fine Feathers series of stories.
Do you mind letting me know what you like most about them, what you want to see more of.
What do those stories come across to you, you know?

If not Fine Feathers, then feel free to let me know the same thoughts of other ViVerse stories too.
I'm trying to get a feel for what people see those characters and stories as.

Viewed:	140 times
Added:	1 month, 1 week ago 23 Nov 2024 18:04 CET

16 Comments on this Journal

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KrystalTentacion

1 month, 1 week ago

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What I like the most with them is their relationship, no matter what is happening they away find a way to make the best for each other and I like the lewd that happening.
I appreciated the advancement of their adventures, like the making of new friends and their discoveries of their special abilities.
But if there something I’d like to see more is their interactions with some of your already existing OCs, like the second Raynes story you done.
You could for exemple make the Graceless intervening at the Hivallys house for a pest control and make twin helping them.

I think what is missing is the interaction between your already existing characters weither it’s for plot or for fun, they share the same world and some even the same city but they seems quite isolated on their own way. Though it’s for good reasons for some of them, like the pantry commune.

Sumdumguy

1 month, 1 week ago

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I just read one for the first time.

I think you are missing a lot of opportunities.  The story I read had to do with going back to an old home.

It played out as nothing more than a bare bones intro, a sex scene and an end.
I didn't see any EMOTION.  Being "horny" might give a sex scene but that's kind of shallow.

If it were me, I'd have explored their emotions at leaving, going to another place.  Leaving behind something.

VioletEchoes

1 month, 1 week ago

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@ Sumdumguy

That is a fair complaint but those starting stories are also 2 years old, and were the first things I wrote of this project.
Something more recent might already have done such things better.

VioletEchoes

1 month, 1 week ago

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@ Sumdumguy

Also, what sort of emotion do you mean?
Emotion and dialogue are two weaknesses of mine that I've always tried to improve.

In that chapter I thought I at least conveyed some sense of nostalgia, such as recalling old memories of the house.
As well as a playful nature of things between them, even a bit of odd comedy with stuff like the pillow vault.
With the pillow vault, they did have a moment introspection with talking about how they used to hide away from the world and just play together all the time. But now that they are older they are wanting to go out and make friends and grow as people. There is a touch of mourning to that, that they still would love to rebuild what they used to have but must leave it buried.

Perhaps all of that is something that does not count as emotional but again I struggle with emotions.
Some example of what you mean would be very useful.

Sumdumguy

1 month, 1 week ago

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@ VioletEchoes

"

VioletEchoes wrote:

Also, what sort of emotion do you mean?
Emotion and dialogue are two weaknesses of mine that I've always tried to improve.

In that chapter I thought I at least conveyed some sense of nostalgia, such as recalling old memories of the house.
As well as a playful nature of things between them, even a bit of odd comedy with stuff like the pillow vault.
With the pillow vault, they did have a moment introspection with talking about how they used to hide away from the world and just play together all the time. But now that they are older they are wanting to go out and make friends and grow as people. There is a touch of mourning to that, that they still would love to rebuild what they used to have but must leave it buried.

Perhaps all of that is something that does not count as emotional but again I struggle with emotions.
Some example of what you mean would be very useful.

Just as a random example:
Bob looked around the room, sweeping across the worn plush carpet, faded blue color showing the passage of time.  The recliner in front of the old television sat empty, the cracked brown leather now cold.
His pointed ears folded back in sorrow, feline tail listless, as he scented the air again, only getting the barely detectable scent of the Old Man.

The room...no.  The HOUSE was empty.  It was no longer Home.  It was...just a random Place now.

He turned back to the door, and walked out for the last time, closing it.

The lock clicked shut, with a click as final as the seal on the casket Robert Sr was placed in before he was lowered under the earth.

"Are you okay, Bob?' asked a voice.

He jumped, startled at seeing Mary there, waiting for him.

"Yeah...I'm...fine," he managed to sputter out, the words sticking in his throat, as he held back a mewl of sorrow.

After all, he wasn't a kitten anymore, or a girl. He had to show Strength.

"He loved you.  The doctor told me his last words were 'Tell Bobetta I love him' "

The calico started to sob, soaking his mate's black blouse as he mewled in sorrow.

They stood there until all his tears were shed.
"I'm sorry.  I know I'm not supposed to cry..."

"Nonsense." she replied. "The Old Man shed tears himself.  When Mom died.  When you fell and broke your hind leg trying to be 'Captain Amazing' jumping off the roof with a towel around your neck for a cape."

He sniffled, and cracked a smile.
"I was more afraid of Dad taking away my comic books than the bone sticking out of my leg."

"I know.  You asked me to take them from your bedroom and sneak them out under my skirt."

"I'm gonna miss this place," Said Bob.

"Me too."

VioletEchoes

1 month, 1 week ago

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@ Sumdumguy

So, more literal emotion. But the girls are showing joy, nostalgia, and a strong sense of romantic love for each other.
It's not supposed to be a sad chapter, most of it is coming back to a place they like and getting settled in again.
Was I supposed to be really blatant and tell the audience that the happy girls are happy? Because that feels redundant.

Sumdumguy

1 month, 1 week ago

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Edited 1 month, 1 week ago by Owner

@ VioletEchoes

Mostly (I'm my opinion) show what they are thinking.  Also "Show, don't tell".

Example:
Mary looked around the old apartment one last time.  She approached the kitchen cabinet and swung the door open, checking the upper corners.  She found that one can of pumpkin pie filling that had been there when she moved in ten years prior, and decided to leave it.

"You've got the apartment back, Mr Filling," she said, smiling.  "You've been a good roommate and you've been here longer."

Closing the cabinet and walked towards the doorway, pausing at the wooden casing.  She touched the scratched marks where the height of her daughter was marked at each birthday until Janet turned 14 and decided it was "stupid".

Leaving the kitchen, she entered the bathroom, and opened the medicine cabinet.  The mirror was just a TINY bit "off center", she hoped the landlord wouldn't notice and keep her security deposit.  She grinned.

Mary had been talking in the living room with Mr and Mrs McGillicuddy when a scream and sound of broken glass came from the bathroom, followed by a soaking wet 7 year old stark naked skunkette who dove behind Bill.

"THERE'S a SPIDER in the medicine cabinet!! Get it away from me!"

Mary laughed as her daughter tried to climb up her neighbor's back, claws hooking into the sweater of the elderly gray wolf.  Once the spider was killed and flushed, it was comical to see her look down, realize she was only in her fur and scream again, racing for her bedroom.   Janet had hidden from Bill for half a week before he told her it was okay and he hasn't seen anything and would never mention it again.

A voice called out from outside.  "Mom, you ready to go?  I still have to check in at the dorms by eight o'clock!"

Mary smiled at the memories and walked out, tossing the keys to the young adult skunk.

"You can drive," Mary said, as they drove off to the new place, into the future.

VioletEchoes

1 month, 1 week ago

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@ Sumdumguy

I see.

JustB

1 month, 1 week ago

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First thing first, it's fine to ask. Reason why I am saying this is that I did this myself for my own writing in other platforms at times.

Now, in regard to your stories themselves, I haven't been reading much for a specific reason: I don't like Ink Bunny format for writing stuff. I am a sucker for the Fanfiction dot net or the QuestionableQuesting formats since they are more eye-pleasing. But I can promise to give it a look tomorrow once I have access to my PC.

Lastly, keep being awesome!

VioletEchoes

1 month, 1 week ago

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@ JustB

I have been possibly meaning to link to my Epub-google docs instead of pasting the text directly to IB.
I don't know if that's any cleaner to read

Argentleaf

1 month, 1 week ago

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I would like to see more of the other characters from Fine Feathers, we don't know a whole lot about Tommy, Mascara, Chip or June, also feels like the twins parents relationship has not been explored enough.

VioletEchoes

1 month, 1 week ago

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@ Argentleaf

I've also felt that to be honest.

MasterFluff

1 month, 1 week ago

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I can't remember if it was you or soul that did the North pines set but loved that. I honestly love all of your artwork that you do.

VioletEchoes

1 month, 1 week ago

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@ MasterFluff

Soul is the artist, I'm the writer.
We work together on a lot of projects and things.
northpines was one such.

MasterFluff

1 month, 1 week ago

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@ VioletEchoes

Gotcha, The Raynes was a really good set that I loved

DarthRandall

1 month, 1 week ago

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One thing that I would like to read in the series a bit of is conflict. Life is pretty easy for our fine feathered friends. It would be good to see them deal with a challenge.

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