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Roksim

How do you Make Friends??

by
The Moon event is still ongoing - can you BELIEVE that the moon STILL hasn't shown up here????? Don't worry folks, it will show up one day, and then I will finish the event for everyone!!

But yes, folks, sitting here and thinking about it, I realized that I just don't really have friends whom we hang out with regularly! I have like, 1 person in my life with whom I can always converse, and we understand each other, but, well... Admittedly, I have a hard time hanging out with anyone else! I don't know how to do it! What do you do when you're talking about something you love and really believe in, and your friend just goes "Oh yaa that show has good writing, John Smith is such a good director, the art direction is amazing"? Like, I just pretend I am not bothered by it now, but when that happens it feels like there is such a gigantic rift between us and how we see things!

How would you go about meeting new friends, specifically friends who can understand and relate to your feelings? I like my friends that I have, but at the same time, I just feel so lonely sometimes! I spoke about it before, too! I have some people in my life who consider ME their good friend, but then if I don't pay attention to them for 1 day, they get really sad and act moody around spaces where I can see their posts - how is that fair equal friendship? If you're reading this, I like you, but also, well, sometimes I feel moody and then I see you guys skulking, and it's like, I have to force myself to interact with you, and it just reminds me that we don't have good understanding! I need some tips on how to meet people who can recharge ME at least sometimes, not me recharging them nearly always - I think that's what I need!!

If you think you are someone who has an understanding of me as a person, perhaps you are the friend I am looking for! I am very receptive to folks who understand me! I like chatting a lot about things!! I've asked folks if they want to poke me before, and I actually gained quite a bit of friendship in that, and I hope you guys who poked me before don't feel slighted by me! But, I just, mm... I feel like if I really went off on a serious topic, well, it would be hard for us to connect, you know? I think that's what I really lack, an ability to express myself earnestly and without joking around!

How did you gain your friends, folks? I am very willing to go around and find people who relate to me, I feel like it would only take a good starting point!! I hope this Journal can also help those of you who also don't feel like they have people who really 'get' them - let's find more folks we can really unite with and support each other through thick and thin!!
Viewed: 141 times
Added: 3 months, 3 weeks ago
 
19 Comments on this Journal
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ragnarakk
ragnarakk
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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ngl most of the ones i chat to now are because im doing something like gaming and friends of friends... or an art community server for a streamer i like and just randomly sit in the VC playing games and people just join and over time. friend happen. XD idk im not the best to ask though
Roksim
Roksim
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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You know, that's not a bad idea! Just sitting in voicechat, huh? I'll try that!!
ragnarakk
ragnarakk
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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It wont always work but eventually you might get someone curious and join you~
SenGrisane
SenGrisane
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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Edited 3 months, 3 weeks ago by Owner
I am also a bit awkward in talking and making friends. For me small talk with strangers is the greatest hurdle, so I prefer to have something to do while meeting people that gets me over the hump.

For people I met in meat space: I built my current friend circle by playing pen and paper games (DnD, DSA, Shadowrun, etc.). I joined a sort of club where you can play with others. And there I got to know a few and grew from there.

For people in cyber space: Many of them contacted me because of my art. With that common ground there was stuff to talk about. Years ago I also did erotic roleplaying with peeps, but I am a bit burnt out on that nowadays. We chat casually about all kinds of stuff. Sometimes we play Jackbox games or similar.

Sharing a common interest with a social element is a great way to meet people from where friendships can form. Like boardgames, pen and paper or a digital equivalent. But any interest can work. You just gotta do it regularly so a connection can bloom.

Things where I met new people: Joining a makerspace. Trying out new crafting hobbies like glass cutting. Furry conventions (just being in artist lounge and doodling with others is so fun). Work. Visiting streams of gamers and artists and being active there.
KINGandQUEENofEPIOKS
KINGandQUEENofEPIOKS
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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i haven't made any IRL or online true friends for 20 years now because no one gets me or my weird sense of humour, lol i've lost many online friends over those years because of that so online i simply just try to keep interactions professional, other then my buddy who lives with me he's the only friend i know truly gets me because we are both on the same wave length he's even a someone who i would consider more of a brother then anyone in my own family,

pretty much since my mother past away back in 2015 i think i lost most of my online and any RL friends at that time as my family basically went no contact with me lol and i sort of went radio silent for a year or two not to mention RL friends i've had that weren't furry in the past only had one thing in common and that's mooching my money and getting free stuff or stealing my stuff..

but hey no need to worry, tho i have literary only 1 IRL friend i'm not sad i am a introvert and i'm tooo old to really care any more i have a extremely hard time interacting with people in the real world and online so like a said above i just keep my interactions professional
billmurray
billmurray
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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If I like someone, I try talking to them more often.  If they seem like a good person to hang around, I start inviting them to the places where I like to hang out online  @w@

There's only a few people who I would like to speak to who I haven't taken any opportunity to get to know, tbh, but I would say no harm no foul when it comes to shyness, even online.  Join a few discord servers with people you know and things sometimes just kinda click.  This is how I came to know almost all of my current friends after changing friend groups.
DownThePipes
DownThePipes
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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I just try to interact and talk to folks if they catch my interest, unfortunately I'm an ambivert so I tend to drive folks off when they get to know me. I start quiet and reserved but once I'm comfortable I am loud and a bit obnoxious ^^;
CookieMarine
CookieMarine
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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Grindr?
Roksim
Roksim
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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What's that?
Shinxtailes
Shinxtailes
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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Personally? It kind of just happens for me - like, if ya came to me to whine about something, I'd lead an ear and try to help you. Then go from there, checking in on you, seeing how ya doing. Then it just forms from that point for me.
Mokibomo
Mokibomo
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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It is hard for me to assemble thoughts on this, but I feel compelled to share something. I've (undiagnosed) ADHD and I consider myself someone who can speak for hours a day without stop and someone who also struggles maintaining contact. My bane is my priority and organizing. I'm very poor at striking up conversations (except for one passionate case that gets me in trouble, more on that later) and I feel best being poked. This is can feel one-sided, but I have found my peace with it. Maybe it has to do with this..


I think what makes or breaks good and sustaining friendship can come down the expectations we have of eachother. Some conflate the need to game with eachother a prerequisite to true friendship, perhaps even with a certain and maybe forced frequency. I had a guy who would punish me with guilt-tripping and not listening to my depressive bouts if I hadn't satisfied him with a co-op game every week. He considered that a very important thing to do; hang out. I do agree.. hanging out IS awesome! But..  my definition of friendship is not down to how often one speaks or "hangs out" -- it is the earnesty between you, the meaning of when you DO talk. Good friends could be away for 2 years from eachother and talk like it was just yesterday you spoke. c:

When I befriend someone, it isn't unusual of me to expect us to click in something. The reasoning for adding on my part is often that I am a horny-motivated or/and found you interesting enough to connect. It often takes a good first chat. I think it is frowned upon to be adding from shallow reasons (unless you met in a space where it was clearly meant to be encouraged) but I find that I NEED to have folks I can be very intimate with, it stems from my want for passion (and expressing it.) I also need folks I can be casual with, who relate to my interest. If we don't balance this, I think there's risk for us getting desperate and pushing for people to click with us in things we are naturally not clicking on.

 I have gotten in a lot of misunderstanding being "one dimensional" as one person put it, often from people just not choosing to explore me enough or vice-versa.. just not clicking personality-wise. In recent years, I've discovered not just who I am and how I work- but also what I need. I need to be able to wear my heart on my sleeve, tell you straight up how I feel and want. I wanna have no filters, where we both can have fun and be passionate but *never* at the expense of goodwill. We will always be able to shift and focus on something "serious" and it should happen naturally and feel good. I'm often the kind to proactively work on making sure that none has deep expectations around me that I cannot predict or satisfy, because so very often, those things lead to resent over time. Miscommunication is so very preventable if you opt into caring about eachother. You might not be able to satisfy everything, but it is far better to be honest and live with the truth of it. Be you, be frank.

(Had to cut down 300 words of poorly directed exposition, hope this was of any value to anyone on friendships. Be yourselves and you'll naturally flow into other people like you 💙 )
Wulff
Wulff
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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I have a small closed friend group from various places, my best friend I meet in highschool, the rest from other places, It helps if you have common interest with your friends to be,like movies you like, video games or other things

 I would advice you look for friends around your age, best if they are emotionally mature and not only kids that want to "party hard"  ppl that want to know more about you and hang around and are chill, you can start meeting them on discord and see if they are cool enough for you to meet in person, little steps.
Gashren
Gashren
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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There's a saying in Poland, that to befriend someone you must eat with them a barrel of salt, meaning it needs a lot of time and be done little by little.

I have horrible time meeting new people. It stresses me out, I am uncomfortable and uneasy around them for at least couple of weeks, if not months, especially if not meeting them daily. Having some common ground helps a bit, but... not much. I'm not even sure if I have friends. I have known some people for a long time, but I don't consider most of them friends, or even people I like much. I guess I'm too old to hope this will change for better. And then, one day, there I'll be - lonely, embittered and hopeless, just waiting for the end.
Roksim
Roksim
3 months, 2 weeks ago
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Aww, darnnn... I'm sorry to hear that Gashren... Do I know you under a different name somewhere? I think so, right? Just wanna make sure!
Gashren
Gashren
3 months, 2 weeks ago
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Well, I mostly use Gashren here, Gashren on FA, Itaku and Weasyl, Gash-ren on DA (i tried changing it to remove the hyphen, but unfortunately the name without it is already taken, though the account is inactive for more than 10 years, effectively blocking any name changes).

I may (or may not, that way it looks more mysterious ;) ) have some old/unused/more private accounts under another username, but that's it.
ScavengingOtter
ScavengingOtter
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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I've got two online friends I talk to occasionally whenever they're free. A third one I help out from time to time with the english in their comics but not too often, but we usually talk back and forth every so often about various things. Haven't had any irl friends in 10+ years though since I dropped out of college. I used to make friends online just by dropping comments on people's art or meeting them through MMOs or something, but don't really do much of either anymore. Feels like its getting harder and harder to meet people and even harder forming a bond as time goes on.
Roksim
Roksim
3 months, 2 weeks ago
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Hmm... That might be true, it DOES feel like it's harder to kinda find folks now... Though it might just be a feeling! I think other people here and on FA are right in that it takes your own first step towards someone to potentially make a new friend!
ScavengingOtter
ScavengingOtter
3 months, 2 weeks ago
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Really depends on the people you meet. Never know when you'll find someone you resonate with and become friends or if it'll just be another person that ghosts you. In the end its always a gamble, easier for some to go for and harders for others.
CandySnake
CandySnake
3 months, 3 weeks ago
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Edited 3 months, 3 weeks ago by Owner
I...don't really have friends either.
my health is too much of a mess for regular chatter, and people who said they were friends just...upped and left.  v-v
i just lurk now.  it feels like every time i try to reach out, i'm just nagging people and poking for attention.  no one really reaches out to communicate with me either.  i have to do all the initial contact.  it gets tiresome.  
so...yeah.  i'd like to know how to make friends too.  like...actual friends, not just faceless empty promises on a screen.
*flop*

Randomwriter on FA is about the only person who tries, but she's so busy we almost never catch each other.
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