The Moon event is still going, I just don't have the moon outside currently!!
Okay guys, this one is a big deal for me! It's something I should have asked for help with quite a while ago, but, I was honestly able to handle it on my own... Well, clearly not able enough, because I feel zooted by it once again! Basically, what I am talking about here is secondary trauma after reading about a very bad crime! So:
CW: NSFL discussion of REAL CRIME!!!! If you are someone who doesn't want your life to potentially become worse after reading this, stop right here!! It's not worth it to help me if it will hurt you - if you're tempted, then think about it like this: I am looking for help from people who know how to handle something like this, so if you think you cannot, then chances are, you can't give me help enough! It's okay not to read it!!!!
Okay, now that the CW is out of the way, let me speak about my issue! It will be embarrassing for me, but, I think that feel of being embarrassed about being traumatized is one of the causes for me getting zooted by it! So! Let's start with this: do you know the particular crime I am talking about? Let's give you a test! If you know about it, talking about it can help you too - maybe we'll have a little circle here chatting about it and help each other process it??
I didn't want to put it in open text, so go through this link to see my whole Journal externally!!!!
EDIT: Gooosh, you know what gets me about this too? Since I can't handle it, whenever I think of any good thing that I've been a part of or that happened to me, I also think "Oh but also this horrible crime happened X years ago, let's calculate it's relation to this good thing that happened to me" and it's like, huh?? I literally didn't even know/worry about it then?? Why would I do that???? I honestly feel like such a wuss when I do that, like, I can't enjoy my own self and my experiences without HAVING to calculate how much time is between it and that crime???? Honestly am I confusing that crime and the beginning of 1st Century or something????? /EDIT over!!
Grhhh, sometimes I wish I was born a hermit, seriously!! I want to be close to the trees, to the water and the grass, I want to love and inspire and be inspired, so it just ticks me off that I am currently in a position where I literally can't do jack because it is my absolute duty to think of the worst things the weakest-spirited humans have done to innocent people! Thanks, mind! I know you're not my enemy, it's really just my frustration with my external circumstances (aka living in a country with one of the weakest most evil governments ever observed in history of the world) but like grarghhh!! I guess my mind doesn't want me to be ignorant!!!!!! Thanks a lot, really appreciate it!!!!!!!!!! Blerghhh... Guys please give me all your thoughts that you have about this!!!! I could really use your help right now, it's just like I can't do this on my own anymore!!!!!! Oh and if you're here just to say "Yes Roksim you finally realize that the world is a terrible place and everything is bad", then I think perhaps you need help just like I do, so maybe let's both get help from others here! Let's all be brave and beautiful, because we absolutely rule and are good people!! We can purify our souls of this kinda stuff if we just talk about it! Being aware of the world's evil is not the same as being consumed by it, and currently I definitely feel a little chomped by it, so, it's time to change my relationship with it completely!!!!!!!!!!!
If you want, you can DM me your response, or put it in an external link!!!!!
Impressive introspection. I personally don't struggle with thoughts like yours, but I think it's important to step back and look at how your mind processes things! I think you writing this journal, in time, will have helped you restructure some neural pathways and think more objectively about it. That case you're talking about is infamous for its cruelty, but it's somewhat an outlier yeah. I'm sorry that your creative outlet is marginally tied to something so cruel! I wonder how you first got into noncon art, and I bet it has little to do with real cruelty - always remember your origins! And you know, maybe every time you draw it, you somehow mentally fight the idea of real life people doing it to other real life people. This is creativity at its best. A way to say.. screw the real world, I'm making it in my own way, with my own set of circumstances and world building. That's powerful!
I do love your art, and silly scenes of creatures having orgies whether they agreed to it or not! Carnal pleasure, but toony. I love how much personality it has. It could never be something I look down on, like I do real life violence.
Good luck with your journey!!~
Impressive introspection. I personally don't struggle with thoughts like yours, but I think it's imp
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment, and thank you for letting me know that it's something you know about, but don't struggle with! It gives me hope and energy to know that it is not absolutely mandatory to put myself through this mental flagellation every single time!! Yaa, I have my reasons to enjoy non-con that I consider entirely unrelated to anything even close to that (I was into it waaaay before I even knew that we still got lame crime like that, I mean not literally didn't know but basically!) that I actually outlined in one of my previous journal "Why do you enjoy non-con?" - you can check them out if you're curious!
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment, and thank you for letting me know that it's something you k
I think i know of this crime. Wasn't one of the perps the son of a local politician or member of police? Sometimes it's easy to forget that Japan was still a developing country only a few decades ago. The US remade it in their image but there is no cultural memory of some kinda collective morality that would've caught the conscience of at least one of these boys and stopped them from the horrific act. For all the harm Western religion has done, sometimes I think of this when it comes to how our society and laws came about...
Well anyway, it sounds like you're own conscience may be troubled by the evil of this world which simply exists. It is true. We can be squashed like a bug and become a bundle of nerves that can only feel pain, but I choose to put my ganglions to use aspiring to be something more and maybe something positive. We have to try to lead by example if nothing else to show people why humanity and decency is better than nihilism.
Don't let intrusive thoughts get you down! And don't let your natural empathy, a beautiful thing, become a burden that prevents you from being a positive example for others =w=
(Sorry for the disjointed 6am thoughts..)
I think i know of this crime. Wasn't one of the perps the son of a local politician or member of po
Yaa, you're right! I'll do my best to not let the intrusive thoughts consume my energy! And yes, I agree... It would be a shame if I just stopped being empathetic because I couldn't handle this! I can do it because others did it already!!
Yaa, you're right! I'll do my best to not let the intrusive thoughts consume my energy! And yes, I a
