New Game and Video Project (and general update)

I wanted to let y'all know about an interesting new project I made.

I made a game in a week about having an increasingly terrible job. Then I made a making of video about making that video game.

The game is a life simulation roguelike survival game and you can find it here:
https://moontouched.itch.io/terrible-jobs

And the video ended up being a hour and twenty minute long chill sleepy time vid you can find here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCXiu1vBhxI

With that announcement out of the way. I wanted to finally talk about how I'm doing and why i stopping drawing porn.

Originally when I stopped drawing Iron I gave very sparse reasons of feeling it was time to go do other things in my life, and drawing porn not giving me what I want in life. While I think both feelings are generally true. I don't think I really understood the scope of the problem.

I think what I wrote was largely influenced by the small amount of obnoxious fans demanding things from me. I think at the core of that negative fandom is the idea that the artist owes the viewer something because of their patronage. So by telling the world, that releasing my art isn't doing anything for me. I'm removing their power basically.

Of course, if someone thinks an artist of something they like owes them anything, the problem is squarely on them. I should just block them and move on.

But I didn't just leave cause of bad fans, I truly did want to do other things. I think something I finally started managing is the fact that I'm very non comital, and not just in the context of relationships. As much as I might want to make a 16 part fantasy novel series, I know I will be come exhausted by the idea partway through. A thing that makes this worse is due to the context in which I was raised, I thought it was better to just "suck it up" rather than do anything different. As probably apparent above, I'm trying to tackle smaller projects that are new and interesting.

Speaking of the context that I was raised, their is another problem I had to deal with. For those who don't know I'm a non-binary person who was enculturated as male. And that enculturation has given me a lot of problems. I mentioned I was predisposed to just suffer through problems rather than fix them, also I had a lot of harmful thoughts around my carrier and income. I'm lucky enough to not really need an income, I'm taken care of, and I provide care for my household. Logically I think this as fine, I mean I'm a homemaker, it's a really common thing. But I can't help but view all the care I give as "extra" and me not bringing home a lot of income as a failure. Even though we don't need the money. It goes without saying, but if I was enculturated female. My role would be normalized in my mind and I wouldn't feel ashamed over this (though likely over other things)

These are what I'd say are the main reason why I left.

Now I know only talking about my problems probably makes it sound like I've had a miserable time lately, but it's actually kinda the opposite. These past couple years have been explosive in term of me growing and experiencing life. I've made so many friends and had so many new experiences. It's really crazy thinking about it to go from hanging out with two people and wondering what I'm doing in this fandom. To partying with all my friends at a fur con, in my new fursuit. Surrounded by a community that genuinely feels like family.

Even things I thought were truly impossible finally happen. It's been months and I can safely say, I've beaten the depression I've dealt with my entire life prior. I may feel down for no reason now and again, but that's all it is. No longer able to effect my ability to do what I want or hurt my interactions with others.

It's cause everything is so good now that I'm able to finally focus on all the problems I have.

I may have had a really bad time when I was doing porn in the past. But I don't think it was the porn's fault. I may do more someday, but I know better than to give any guarantees. I can say I have no plans in the near future though. And if I do come back, it likely won't be to continue my old long form projects.