Hi, UWExplorers and Deep UWExplorer alike.
First of all, i must apologize to all of you. In the last months all i was able to produce were still shots, something that i wasn't exactly known for, as i was trying to pan & buffer - biding my time and waiting for a better moment to actually start doing what i loved doing in the first place.
But i have to be completely honest, my life has taken worse turn after worse turn in this entire 2024 and i feel like i can't do this anymore. At least, until this spiral stops taking me deeper and deeper into something i have to survive inside.
I'm sorry if i'm "drama dumping" but i have to explain why i've been feeling like this.
You see, back when i started doing this, i had my own place. I had my friends coming by to visit me as it was a pretty nice town to be in the middle of all of them combined. It was a cheap home in a cheap neighbour (where i was once even assaulted) but i made do. Then, the place where i was going to work closed their doors. As i literally spent every cent i had on the rent, waiting until the last minute, i simply could not afford an house. So, i had to come back to my parents.
And listen, my folks are really good people. They didn't not once critiqued me for having lost a job, or unfruitfully burned out money to keep an house in a place with no jobs. But they don't know about this hobby of mine, and even if i know they would somewhat accept it, i tried to stay hidden about this. So i counld't make Slideshows as it would require to work on a video (that lagged all the time) for an extended amount of time. I tried one time to make a video and it had 300 slides - i took almost a month to make it - and it was really poor - so i tossed it off. That's why i had to make these still renders compilations, as i could quickly hide everything out of sight. Classic house with no locks, you know?
My father used to say that a bent nail is still a nail. It's curved, but it will always do his job, no matter how crooked it is, and in the end it could still be useful.
He was diagnosed with cancer, and it's one hell of a bad beast. We are trying to get him proper treatment but the truth is, it's revealing itself to be more and more a very great risk on his life. There's a big chance he will not make it.
Him of all people, that accepted me for who i am, no matter the failures, he loved me a bunch. And i still love him back, all the same. I'm heartbroken and i just counld't think about UW perils right now. I need to be with my family, grieve properly, and have the courage to let things go. And those things includes this hobby, at least for some time.
To all my Deep UWExplorers (subscribers) i'll still continue to publish my archived works along the year, and continuing doing so until i have exhausted everything.
I still have one render i made and i will publish it next month, and that will be my final goodbye, or at least to add "Until next dive".
I don't know when i'll get the love for UW back. It might happen sooner than expected, but this hit after hit after hit is just...too much.
I need time.
Thank you all for having been here with me.
Encouranging me in all this UW work will always be something i'll look with pride.
Go deep, UW Explorers. And hold your breath as long as you can.
Nayr
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4 months, 2 weeks ago
12 Sep 2024 00:40 CEST
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