but it hurricanes!.. And monsoons...
I have been rather quiet the past couple of years, not much art, not much chatter about my life.. not much of everything. To say things have been bad it like saying having a red hot poker to the eye might impede your vision.
For the past decade i have been taking care of my family. Lost Dad 8 years ago along with my two cats a couple months later... and an aunt, the passing of a family friend... a couple friends moving out of town, and the first knives that came at my back from my family.
Today, I am still taking care of my elderly mother. Since taking up her care I have been accused of physical abuse, financial abuse, theft, assault, have had numerous checks in from the police, an investigation from an elder abuse team, an investigation from social workers, and an investigation from the public health nurse. I have had various family members interfere with my mother's finances and taxes, fuck around with her will, power of attorney, and generally go out of their way to make my life hell while I care for my mother.
My health has been suffering from this. I have had a few heart scares, even having to be zapped a coupe times. I have severe insomnia and depression. I used to go to the gym regularly, but I can't because my mother really can't be left alone for long.. and I also depression eat, to the point I am having trouble fitting into my pants... Food makes the pain go away.. for a minute.
Mom is gradually deteriorating as well, so it is taking more and more of me to keep things going.. like trying to keep a row of plates spinning, but there is always seems to be another plate being added on to the far end of the line.
I don't go out, save to walk the dog or a quick dash to fetch a bit of this or that, zip in and zip out. I have stopped going to conventions. I have only been to 1 movie in the past 7 years, the only time I get to myself is when I drop mom off at her senior group, and I sometime just end up either hiding at the local A&W until she is ready to go home, or pass out for a couple hours until I have to pick her up again. I have had friends who don't understand (or refuse to understand) that I don't get to have time to myself any more. This is worse than having a toddler alone at home some days. Mom has Oppositional Defiance Disorder on top of early stages Dementia.
There is a severe shortage of doctors locally. I have been looking off and on for a while now, but many of the formally 'walk in clinics' are only taking people by appointment only and not taking new patients at this time... because there is a tremendous back log. Emergency care is still fine, so we have no problems with seeing a doctor if we end up in the hospital at least. I was there in October.
Each year has been just a little worse than the last. 2023 had me so stressed out, I had a medical issue involving my heart. This year, I have had yet another round from my idiot brother, the person who used to threaten me, who convinced the family that I am beating and stealing from my mother, the jerk off that sent police, and social workers, and elder abuse team, etc... after me... this year shows him starting another round of sending police and lawyers and social workers after me again.
I am so fucking tired.
I have barely recovered from health problems in late 2023.. i barely made it through christmas... i am yet again having to disrupt my life and that of my mother to deal with these allegations again. I now have to scramble to make sure everything is in order, to which sadly I had been falling behind. Now I have to push hard to get caught up. Again. I am tired and fucking angry.
I don't draw any more because as it is, even when I do feel creative, and actually do have the time, i am so exhausted, I just want to lay down.. power nap if I can. I have had some creative ideas.. a few comic ideas, i have notes and files saved... or at least I did (more on that in a moment) I just don't want to lift the pencil and instead lower my face to a pillow.. or turn on my pc to game for a bit, playing simple fun games on steam, old Nintendo games, or of late, playing on the Quarm server, once more playing EverQuest... mostly i just watch Youtube.
Right now, i will be doing even less of this, as my computer decided to BSoD on me tonight, and my new SSD i bought just over a year ago became a tiny little brick. Thankfully it is still under warranty, but sadly it has my art files, my utility programs, and of course.. the Operating System... I have both my windows and ubuntu installs ready, but i am hoping that they can do a data recovery.
needless say, with all the recent shit going on in my life, this has been hitting me very hard, and while my finance are not dwindling, they are rather limited. I was hoping to by myself a new computer chair this year.. or maybe some updated ram, but as it is I have to save what I have for laywers, repairs, and replacements of vital structures.. like the new toilet.
So yeah.. i am tired, I am upset.. i am on line but often end up idling away either to take care of the next crisis or problem that comes up here, or end up passing out for an hour because I desperately need to. I would like to get going on my comic at some point, maybe open up a donation cup when I do, but for now, probably nothing much from me this year again. Sorry.
=^.,.^=
