you know whats sucks…
not really being inspired due to depression, always in my head speaking about how worthless I have become…
not really grasping life because my ADHD makes it difficult to relax sometimes.
losing jobs where most of them were going to be long term fixes….
having no car, no serious school plans or currently enrolled.
no phone to contact on, jobs not calling back due to high volume and over saturated employment in our current area, there are no public transport and i mostly walk or skate to my places.
maybe… im just tired of working for people who wont work for themselves…. that nonsense shows…
every place i mostly been, people were working for other morals it seems, but at the same time it could be me…
I never was able to be consistent or confident in most my actions and abilities, i mostly was told off while I was young… being inspired wasn't in the cards back when i was growing up.
Honestly… its not like i had a normal family… i wasn’t with my bloodline family ever in my life, just another group of people who personally i dont want to jump into there life when there is so much to work and improve on…
but sadly asking for help from anyone family wise has never worked for me, it was either get it yourself with no context or care… or you just dont do it… trying to draw was actually bad in my family… they didnt want me to create most times….
I never was pushed now that I think on it, in which could be one reason why I feel like I do nowadays…
never was understood either about what I want to do in life or plan… it was just… terrible knowing all this….
but out of all this I dont even know why im making this journal… i dont know what im looking for in life anymore… i dont even know if im even… a friend anymore… a part of a family…
but i guess ill be procrastinating til i die… I honestly dont know how to stop… maybe its my environment… maybe its my own personal life… i dont even know sadly, even this journal is all over the place.
i guess im just speaking whats first coming to my mind…
I guess im just gonna keep applying place and hoping for change…
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9 months, 2 weeks ago
11 Mar 2024 12:18 CET
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