Been a while since i've done this, lets see...
Hey guys! i used to give some updates of myself years ago, but i stopped and i wanna resume it
Its 2024! happy bday guys!, for the earth that is, new year, new ways of life fucking us more, am i right? *sighs*
Alright... 2023, 2022, 2021
we got a lot to catch up but i will focus on 2023
Covid fuck us up all over the world and things started to escalate down hardcore from there but so far i have been able to manage it (and mostly thanks to you guys)
hear me out for a sec... i married on 2022 and that was just... the best day of my life as it should be, but i was dealing with so much bullshit by then, my parents separated and i got to deal with everything at home, including my mother being broken down by the break up, no car from that point foward, picking a bus and doing the groceries wiht mom became so hard to do at the start, but nowadays i got used to it, like all the other shit... im very resilient to change, i just tackle the problems head on even if lately i just feel so broken im many ways and levels
So.. what have i been doing? Canadian visa, my goal to be with my husband is getting close, but far away too... it has been difficult, but wiht the amrriage canada been more responsive to us as couple to let me in. There is an issue though, im 1 step away from claiming my visa, but the goverment just cut communication with us, they claim the process is still going but it has been 6 months without update and before that it took us 2 months to get to this level of progress, im literally at the finish line, and the plan was to leave on 2023 but they didnt gave us answer which just pushed our relationship in a wrong way, we are... surviving, with too much stuff drowning us on each of our sides and im scared!... realy scared of things not working, we arent on our best as i said
Aside that i have been doing ym commissions, more now that my father cant support us, for those new reading this.. my dad lost his job by the covid, and he hasnt been able to get a new one at all, i am the only one suplying money to my mother and i, my dad has support from his family but is up to me FULLY to take care of everything.. bills, food, expenses, emergencies and it has been pushing a lot of pressure on me, too much for my liking, been too stressed, too unfocused, multitasking nonstop and trying my best
*but its never enough*
I have been dealing with too many plans just-..... destroyed, not even delayed but straight up destroyed, my expectations are low atm and i just feel im a mess of emotions and many dark thoughts crawling in my head at times, i feel im waiting an eternity, not even traveling to canada will be as good! yes my husband is there but his situation got so much worse and aint stopping... we would be living like i am living here in Venezuela, surviving instead of living, doing commissions to support my mother from far away while my hsuband support's us, I will need a job in canada ASAP and i gotta learn french for it, i been too busy to learn from here, i've been unable to enjoy games even! things just look so grim atm, and i try my best to just distract myself and not think about it, but i cant bottle them up for long, gotta release this kind of tension as well
2023 was an ass of year, many can agree... lets see what 2024 has to offer, it is a possibility i will move to canada on 2025 instead of this year, their goverment TOLD SO, they ahev too many visas process piled up and they havent been able to catch up, thus my visa delayed, grrr.... and inflation is hitting there too which is just perfect, as of now though... i have no other road i would like to take, i just wanna be better and feel better, i want peace that i cant have, and i right now wanna fade away from everything i gotta carry on my shoulder each day without feeling gulty of not carrying those responsabilities and issues
My goals for 2024 are the same as last years.... survive.
And maybe... tackle any emerging issue... but with my husband besides me...
For my friends, for my mother, for my husband, for myself... i'll survive
I shall go to work now, all of you readers, take care, and you know where i am if ya need me
