I have many things on mind right now. I want to make art and write, but I am too lazy to learn to draw or spend some time in writing a story.
I spend at least one hour browsing IB to search for particular arts or stories that I would love to read more than once.
I like some artists and writers in here, and I wonder how they are behind their written story or art. I heard that the art is the reflex of the artist (sometimes) so I overthink many things.
These thinkings may be "Is he like me?", or maybe "Can it be him that I'm looking for?" or simply "Can it be a good friend?".
One simple way to know would be DMing and starting to talk to discover eachother.
But I'm always too ashamed to DM. I always end up with having small talk, not knowing what to talk about or only talk about the same thing until ending the conversation the same day without going further. I get lost so easily... and I fear to write what is really into my mind.
And, in addiction, even if I decide to DM someone, I subsequently think that I bother him, or he's already engaged (and I even think that trying to become friends may annoy him).
So, I'm lost in this never ending, vicious circle.
I'm tired of being alone. I want someone to care for, someone to be worried about and dedicate all my (non-working) time to. Someone to deeply trust.
I want to lit my heart again.
PS: I don't want to hear "Some day you'll beep boop bup." Let's be real: it won't happen like bumping into eachother's head during a travel. Rather they say sorry and continue on their road.
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1 year, 7 months ago
15 Jun 2023 00:11 CEST
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