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For those who wonder I suppose.

by Acenith

As some of you likely know, I have a few things of art I've yet to post. I just don't feel motivation to bother...
Life has just been so blah, I'm not living. I'm just here for the ride to make many bad choices.

Might be losing my job. None of the few places I've applied for seem to be interested... the union will fight the employer for me to be kept at this job, but this job has drained the want to do anything from me so hard...

I work Crack ass early like 4-5am for 2-3 hours, go home. Nap because I can't get enough sleep between the end of the second shift and start of the first in the morning, because I go back to work at 2-3pm and don't get home till after 8pm, to sleep like 4-7 hours.

Been doing that for a while now. And still stuck doing just that if they don't fire me or I manage to fight to keep this job.

I feel like I'm not allowed to have any real life. Every day at work feels like two days due to the nap.

I've struggled to take the diabetes medication, and if I keep... not I will lose my job, due to driving with a CDL.

I just. Wanna run away. Just don't wish to be fucking stuck in this life. But I've got no we're to go. No real skills. All I've done for the last 5 years is driving.

If you made it this far, sorry. Just needed.. to bitch and moan I guess..

Viewed:	24 times
Added:	1 year, 6 months ago 09 Jun 2023 19:16 CEST

10 Comments on this Journal

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SpyroBeddingCynder

1 year, 6 months ago

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I know the feeling. 😕

Acenith

1 year, 6 months ago

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@ SpyroBeddingCynder

I don't wanna get out of bed any more... -.-

SpyroBeddingCynder

1 year, 6 months ago

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@ Acenith

*Hugs*

Tanna

1 year, 6 months ago

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Remember you have friends to lean on and talk too if you need.

DarkTechnician

1 year, 6 months ago

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So.. I hope you know the phrase, 'Misery loves company.'.. because I'm likely more behind than you, in the job world. I'm jobless, and driver's-license-less, even though I'm about twice the required legal age, to get a driver's license.

hammse

1 year, 6 months ago

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Edited 1 year, 6 months ago by Owner

If you wanna get creative..?

maybe you could drive for hotels or events etc. If you are trustworthy. You seem pretty open/approachable and people jobs love that (even if low key). I`d just effing ask xD
and ketosis works against the diabetes

Acenith

1 year, 6 months ago

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@ hammse

I'm on like.... 8 meds. x.x

hammse

1 year, 6 months ago

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@ Acenith

not suprising =p

hammse

1 year, 6 months ago

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Edited 1 year, 6 months ago by Owner

@ hammse

gah I was a minute late to edit. Not meaning to be brash.
cutting it insanely short, maybe thats too low key.
I still pay respect to the institutions but they don`t have the competency the once had.
I don`t know you tho, don`t let me prod.

funny story about drivers: I once worked in a kitchen and wasn`t used to sleeping little and after some weeks I stood in the cooling room of the kitchen I worked at with a fresh little bag of herbs to chop and had like a flash in my head, I forgot like everything of that day, what I wanted to do and what I did since I arrived. Kinda happy I still knew my name xD really had to collect myself, that was so weird. A few years later I worked at a place with a lot of drivers and *that kind* of double shifts mang xD The ones you mentioned. holy balls. one dude once was a minute away from getting a "baby car" with several packages on it like everyday and while I was doing the moves to get them ready and he waited I noticed that he was moving weird for a while and looked at it a bit closer, he was moving just like I would`ve had I not frozen to collect myself, I think he had that kind of flash too. It was the hottest week of the year and I knew several drivers (most?!) couldn`t even sleep anymore because nightshifts. I wanted to beat them up with wet towels or something just to get them on different thoughts xD my stupid two cents hoohaa!

Acenith

1 year, 6 months ago

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Edited 1 year, 6 months ago by Owner

@ hammse

It is making having a life not possible. Most friends you know, work normalish shifts. So in the middle of my split, there is no one around. Just me. So there is no motivation to get out of bed. So depression just. Gets worse and worse. Honestly being on admin leave I've still. Had no motivation. Like worse...

Had the first real meeting yesterday. It's still more investigating and amin leave. It is nice I've basicly got paid a month for nothing. Though stress has been a big feeling during this time.

Still not managing to will myself to take care of myself...

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