speculation, but, maybe...
i miss the affection of my mom...it was different when i was a kid...after my younger brother was born, it never felt the same again.
And now she's all super close to my older brother because he's the music producer and makes money and whatever.
but me...i think maybe she felt i was going to be some idealistic thing and she may had had some unrealistic hopes by misreading certain things when i was a child, like learning to read and learning english on my own, computer skills, she had this idea (i am assuming here) that i was smarter than i really am, or gifted in some way or some stupid thing like that, and would turn out to be some kind of...excelling, special person or something. So when my teen cames and i was just some dude just like other dudes and i started having emotional, social and underachieving problems...well, i don't know, i am not in her head.
But i loved her more than life itself so to me, it was profoundly affecting.
Of course by then everybody else was already having relationships and shit, but with all my phobias and social, sentimental and mental issues, no shit that didn't happen...and i became shut-in after i dropped out of highschool at 14 because my emotional stability was becoming too much...in early 20's inspired by the people i looked up on deviantart that like went to college and were popular online and got jobs and social life, i tried some therapy, some meds, and kinda "went out there" and workd out some issues, but it's not like anything major life changing happened.
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2 years, 1 month ago
18 Apr 2023 04:59 CEST
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