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moodytail

I want to be more involved in this community.

It feels like every time I try to move forward, my "local" life pulls me back.

I'm tired. I'm tired of my country, my town, and the people in here.
I'm tired of being judged for my thoughts, my opinions, my points of view, my likes, my ideas. Even by my so-called IRL "friends", whom I can't even share my actual thoughts with.
I'm tired of the drama people fabricate to pass their time, the YEARS going by full of nothing but hate and manipulation from people that keep trying to pull me and each other into their never-ending cycle of anger and distrust.
I'm tired of being CONSTANTLY reminded that I'm "wrong", that my likes and desires are wrong, that I'm not normal, that I need to change. That people with hopes and dreams are stupid, that life needs to be "miserable" to be "real".
I'm tired into being manipulated into doing things I don't like. Of being pushed into a life that feels soulless. Of being drained and gaslighted into believing their shit-talking as if it was the absolute truth.
I'm tired of living in a country where poverty and insecurity go up exponentially every single month. Where even affording food is a challenge. Where everything is trying to steal from each other and nobody cares about anything.
I'm tired of living in a place where having dreams and trying to find ways to be happy is the "wrong way" to do things.

I don't care. I'm tired of this life.
I want to be able to look forward to things. I want to be able to work on my skills and improve at what I like. I want to be understood, not judged for my sexuality, my likes, my passions, my points of view, my thoughts. I want to feel I'm part of something that won't try to constantly pull me down. I want to feel included and be able to share WHO I AM, NOT WHO I'M "SUPPOSED" TO BE.

The people I've met online are some of the kindest, most understanding and caring people I've ever met in my LIFE, and they give me strength to push through. Every time I circle around these thoughts, I rediscover over and over again how exciting and beautiful this community is, and how much I want to be a part of it. How important it is to never give up. People support each other here. People love each other, care about each other, reassure each other, help each other. People are open and allow you to be yourself.

Call it escapism, call it whatever you want. I want to pursue what makes me happy, not what keeps trying to pull me down.
I want to be more involved in this community. I'm just not sure how. But I sure as fuck am not going to give up.

Thank you all for your support.
Viewed: 38 times
Added: 1 year, 9 months ago
 
SideB
1 year, 9 months ago
Much love to Moody and shame for those who can't see how much of a valuable person you are.
moodytail
1 year, 9 months ago
Your friendship means so much to me... thank you.
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