Hi all.
I imagine those I'm in contact with are getting really tired of hearing this but, I'm sorry for the delays on all outstanding commissions at the moment. And for generally not being very good at getting back to you. The last few weeks have been diabolically awful for me and my mental health state has been the lowest it's been in quite a few years, which is doubly stressful since I felt I was actually getting a grip on things.
I really had come into this post-pandemic time with a better outlook on things but then real life decided to fuck me and I really feel I've lost a lot of progress. I had hoped writing again might provide me with something to make me feel better but it's been dire practically every day since I've opened them, and so far I've only managed to write two stories out of the six that have been asked of me.
It's my fault a lot of the way. I set up the rules of only taking three at a time or only taking money when I had a good chunk of the story written. But after my first delay I started asking for advance payment to essentially cover the time I had lost not being able to write. Which basically puts me in the same position I was trying to avoid the last time I opened commissions.
I feel like complete shit about all of it and it only gets worse when I'm staring at black gdoc pages without a creative thought in my brain. But honestly, my life outside of this is moving in directions I hate and I just...can't function at all really at the moment.
I still intend to write the stories. I would just give you all refunds at this point but I don't even have the money left to cover that. At any rate once they are written I will likely put an end to trying to make money this way. I seemingly can't do it without piling on extra stress on myself, nor betraying the trust of everyone who is willing to give me money in advance.
I'm gonna go stay with family and try and get away from the screen and touch grass for a bit. Probably will be back the week after next, and hopefully in a better place to get back to work. But at this point I don't want to make any promises about anything regarding the stories. All I can really do is promise that at some point you will have a story or a refund, but I couldn't say when.
I fucked this all up. I'm sorry. I feel like shit and hate myself for it, that I can't even stay stable enough to do the things I actually enjoy. I'd understand completely if anyone would just want to write me off from all of this and consider me an untrustworthy creator in this sense. But I can't make any of it right at the moment. Hopefully I can in the near future.
Sorry that I didn't come to any of you personally about this. The fact that I don't even have the courage to do that might speak for how terrible I'm feeling. That, or that I'm a cowardly piece of shit, idk. Thank you all for putting trust in me in the first place. I'm sorry I couldn't reward that trust right now.
Sorry again. Take care of yourselves.
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1 year, 11 months ago
27 May 2022 16:07 CEST
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