If anyone even bothers to read this.....

  I doubt anyone will read this, but...  What the heck, may as well.  Since I was a kid, I've been very good at hiding my emotions.  I was raised to be "strong" and "tough", even when I didn't feel it on the inside.  I've become so good at it that even my mate of 8 years can't see past my facade.
  I'm a very proud person.  I hate asking for help.  But right now I really need a friend.  I'm depressed, and I don't fully understand why.  I feel like it's a number of things all piled into one lonely, hopeless feeling.  I feel like I'm trapped in my own life, just a repetitive "Groundhog Day" cycle.  I feel like my mate wouldn't understand how I feel, and I would just hurt him by saying everything I want to say.
  I wake up and put on a happy face, go to work, come home, go to bed, all the while acting like everything is fine and peachy.
  I shouldn't be depressed.  I mean, what, logically, do I have to be depressed about in the grand scheme of things?  I have a roof over my head, food on the table, a steady job, and a mate who loves me.  So why do I feel like this?
  Anyway...  Sorry to bring everyone down with me.  If anyone actually reads this, and feels like letting a dumb, depressed pony vent, feel free to pm me.  If not, I completely understand.  Everyone has their own problems, and shouldn't feel like they have to carry mine, too.  I hope everyone has a great day.

Sincerely,
Kayle

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Added:	2 years, 7 months ago 20 May 2022 00:51 CEST

1 Comment on this Journal

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cck

2 years, 5 months ago

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Hi there, as someone who has experienced much of that, I'd like to refute some of those things you've written

> I shouldn't be depressed. I mean, what, logically, do I have to be depressed about in the grand scheme of things? I have a roof over my head, food on the table, a steady job, and a mate who loves me. So why do I feel like this?

Depression is a mental illness, It affects people regardless of any status. Logically you are dealing with a mental illness. Mental illness does not care if you are white, black, asian, latino, male, female, trans, young, old, poor, rich, disabled, or perfectly healthy.

You have already made amazing progress in identifying it, and seeking help. Too many people silently suffer due to fears of stigma, or being labeled. Recognizing you are not well, and need help is not a weakness. Its a strength and I'm sure your mate will fully support you.

I have family that has never experienced mental illness, and my grandfather in particular raised me to be strong. Even though he doesn't fully understand why, he is one my core supports and assists me along with all my other family/friends. Your mate should want you to be happy, and won't be hurt if you simply mention you are suffering. In fact, I suspect they will be your biggest cheerleader.

I'm unsure of what level you are suffering, but my advise will be the same regardless. If you are feeling suicidal or have feelings of self-harm you should call emergency services and get somewhere where you will not hurt yourself or others. Regardless, I highly encourage you to seek professional help. I'm not certain where you are from, but the US is getting more and more aware of mental health and support for it. If you have insurance you should get in and be seen. Even if you don't have insurance I see clinics that provide income-driven services where you can even be seen at no cost and medications are readily available for dirt cheap to assist you. Therapy is also an option to provide measures of cognitive behavioural methods to recognize and correct your issues.

I'm happy to speak with you if you need someone to talk to. But please seek professional help as well.

For what its worth, I'm very successful, have a roof, and I'm able to provide for myself and my family. Been dealing with major depression for about 20 years now, and have been actively treating it for the last 10 years. I've made significant progress in handling my problems but for me it is something that I've had to struggle with for a long time.

I hope this reaches you, and is able to provide you the information to make a difference in your life. I understand what you are going through and I hope nobody has to suffer in such a way.

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