Huh?
Hm. This is a bit like a diary. I'm not sure. I want to make more art but it really just isn't quite the sort of art that this site really enjoys. Mostly just visual tidbit pieces from my stories. Or whatever.
Recently realised I've got AvPD. I always just sort of chocked it up to "showing affection differently".
Just so happens that I'm damaged enough for me to be pretty dysfunctional in interpersonal relationships as is, lmao.
Where I feel stable and fine in an interpersonal relationship, be it with family or friends, others will inevitably see as me distancing. Being indifferent or uncaring. Before this realisation, I honestly just thought I was just not made for relationships. And, honestly, I still believe it. But it just so happens I've been emotionally neglected a little too much as a child where my ability to create an interpersonal relationship beyond friends; a semblance of closeness becomes harder and harder for me to express healthily. Where I may be able to be in a relationship, I'd still be seen as cold, regardless. Isn't that just a bitch.
I mean, shit, one of the common symptoms is being able to be more social and affectionate with strangers than those who I'm closest to. Which is honestly oftentimes true.
I guess I want to make some art to commemorate this? I'm not sure. I guess I just want catharsis. This community has always seemingly been safe enough for such, at least. Not that I think anyone in particular will read this, lmao.
Worst part about this all is that AvPD's are strangely more commonly attracted towards folk who're Anxiously Attached. Where one person feels secure but doesn't openly show much affection or interest, the other constantly seeks it and is insecure in their worth. The perfect recipe for destruction.
If only I picked up on it earlier. And you'd think I'd be experienced enough to, by now.
Well. What should I draw for it? I was thinking maybe a tree. Or a bird. I can try a bird. Like a sparrow flying away, completely free. Hm.
Anyone play in VR? I honestly just play vrchat... I'm far too exhausted to do anything else, nowadays, although I do have other VRgames.
Any recommendations, at least?
Meh. I can't stand leaving an account empty without activity for long periods. I sort of just avoid the site now due to certain people tainting it for me.
Life moves on, regardless. And the place still has lots of lovely art. Maybe I'll try to get back into the groove of things. Oh well. Whatever. Just anxious.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
-Soph
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2 years, 8 months ago
19 Apr 2022 07:15 CEST
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