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[20] Clarification on Themes I Dislike

Again, I understand that my diversity of interests and the fact that I like some very weird, absurd or extreme things might lead people to think I have a high tolerance, a strong filter or thick skin, but that is not true. For the things that I enjoy making and how weird my content is, you can check here .
Despite those, I’m still very sensitive to certain themes, and I beg people to be mindful of that. Getting exposed to certain things even slightly can ruin my entire week or even month. I have things that I still regret seeing and that cause me some stress even after years.

In short, these can be said to be fictional or real things that contain, depict or relate to suffering, negative emotions, feel-bad content, dark depictions of sexuality, bad endings, grimdark themes or bad fates. I’ll elaborate later, but first I want to go through both some basic divisions for me and some fetishes which may lie inside a grey area, or that can confuse people whether I like them or dread them.

I would say that my limits can be divided into four main classes:
•Things I cannot accept no matter how much I try.
•Things that bother me but I’m okay with others enjoying.
•Things that I’m okay with for myself but will not let others see.
•And things that I can post but will not draw for other people.

This comes from my understanding that people will conceptualize and enjoy fetishes differently from how I do, and this might be a bad thing or a good thing for me, depending on the particular case. I won’t really go into specific detail, since this is very case-sensitive more often than not, and I apologize if that is frustrating or disappointing, but I was struggling with examples while writing this.

•Starting with things that I might post but would not draw for other people:
This is only relevant when I’m taking commissions or delivering rewards, since I don’t take requests and won’t draw for free . This concerns delicate things that can be easily interpreted as the things I dislike even though they’re actually harmless, or safe but less harmless things that need extra care.
I know that some people will think this is stupid, but this is how I function. I also know that anything can theoretically be given a dark interpretation, but some things are easier to twist than others, obviously, and the line needs to be drawn somewhere.
Because of the ease to make bad interpretations, I feel a need to have full control over the thing, just to make sure the original source (me) makes it harmless. I know that other people can ask for it to be harmless, yes, but I can also leave myself vulnerable to lies and tricking if I roll with this. I know most would not trick me and respect my limits, but if someone known to like the bad endings asks me for a good ending, I will be suspicious and I don’t want to reveal who I’m aware of by discriminating, so I would rather give equal treatment. This is the equal treatment I’m most comfortable with. When it comes to these, I want to be behind the characters, the setting, the story and the idea, not leaving myself open for additional background which might make it dark, background I won’t check or know about because of me not browsing .

Some important examples of this can be things that may leave a potentially harmful situation open-ended, usually involving scenarios that could be perilous or that involve the consumption of a character. Things like open-ended kidnappings, mind-possession, absorption or vore may require non-visual information or gallery-context in order to be okay for me, and while I control the canon of my own drawings, I feel like it isn’t the same when someone asks me to do something.
Other things that fall under this category depend on what it looks like. Even if the requested idea is completely unrelated to the bad interpretation, I might refuse to draw it if the looks of it can approximate an interpretation that falls under what I worry about. For that, imagine what someone could think if they saw the drawing with no dialogue, no description and no context. Or even worse, if someone tried to make a dark edit on top of that. This might concern the environment or facial expressions.
I know it might be frustrating because I’m not naming anything specific, but just take the things that make me uncomfortable at the bottom of this journal, and then ask yourself if someone could see that as being what is going on.
Of course this could always change in the future, if I end up easing up.

•For the things that I’m okay with for myself, but wouldn’t share with others:
The logic is pretty much the same, on the basis of interpretations, except that here the things in the drawing are not harmless and require a lot of context to be okay by my standards. Of course if I’m making that drawing for myself and keeping it to myself, I don’t really need to worry about any of this, since I have all the context.
However, as someone who has previously imagined some unique fetishes where they didn’t exist, liking the drawing for reasons the artist didn’t intend, I’m fully aware that these things can entice someone for reasons I might not be okay with. Again, I know that this is technically valid for any drawing, but the line needs to be drawn somewhere.

Here is where I can be a bit more specific with what it is. The most common one is of course gore and things that could definitely be called harmful, as well as peril situations that might result in such harm (the characters are immortal, obviously). I really like gore, but it’s very easy to turn it into something I hate. For me to like the gore it can’t end up being lethal or resulting in something really messed up like permanent losses or mutilation.
Then there are things like absurd insanity or people actually losing their minds, though these are on a level that I often would consider post-worthy, just not when the scenario involves world-wide events, extreme corruption and decadence, or things like that.
Sexualization of fear is another, things like fear sex or fear arousal. This can involve characters having sex or masturbating as forms of comfort, or just being directly aroused from being afraid or startled, or even being attracted to the thing they’re afraid of. This is often involves no threat, and just some weird spooky thing instead, or silliness like being startled by thunder, where the characters aren’t really in panic or in true terror, and kinda enjoy the adrenaline of the situation. I almost never touch this because it’s so hard for me to be okay with.
And finally there is crying, like not just cute little tears, but actual dacryphilia, with tears streaming down the face. Of course they are always tears of happiness because I would really hate it if it wasn’t. The only times I used this was on me and Kat , and it was fairly cute, but I wouldn’t ever dare using this on characters that aren’t us, since I’m still too suspicious of this fetish. I wanted to like it more since I often get impulses to add crying with big smiles, but it bothers me quite a bit so I usually don’t.
Again, because this are still things that I enjoy, this might change in the future if I ease up and start worrying less, but don’t count on it.

•Now for things that actually bother me, but that I don’t mind people enjoying:
Here it’s not a matter of interpretation anymore because the thing that bothers me IS what the concept is supposed to be. I won’t draw these no matter what, not for myself or others. I have done so in the past, but I REALLY regret it.
This is something that I tried to experiment with, and it ruined me for years, but if done right I can’t say I can be upset that others are liking it. Well… of course in a way it can still be a matter of interpretation, since this can be interpreted as the last category, which is far worse, but because I won’t draw it, that does not concern me.

Depictions of death or other things that might represent the end or total destruction of a character’s being, body, consciousness or self. As well as things that present an immediate risk of such destruction, or that will logically lead to or cause it in some way. This is only valid if the characters all desire, enjoy and are aware of it, otherwise it’s the last category, the stuff I can’t accept.
Everyone involved in this needs to be happy about it, or be okay with it. Even if it can be reversed, even if it’s just a dream, even if it’s just simulation, even if it’s just roleplay. I have this rule that says that “fiction inside fiction is as real as the first level of fiction”, which means that any roleplay inside a fictional work needs to be treated just like the fictional work itself.
If the characters are immortal and it just LOOKS like that, then it might fall on the category above, but I’m still on the fence about that, so I never really draw it anyway.
Again, if there is any darkness to it, anything nefarious, any suffering, any terror, or even if it’s too sudden to be noticed, then it goes into the next category, under things I can’t accept.

If you like this category, then cool, but please don’t bring it up. I have this issue where I can get turned on because people are being horny over something, which allows me to be turned on by proxy. I obviously don’t want to be turned on to this stuff because I have history with this and it’s not good history. I really regret all of my interactions with it, so any mentions would probably be bothering me a lot and making me very uncomfortable. I want to erase this from my memory, but I can’t, so never seeing ideas that use it is the next best thing.
I don’t see anything wrong with it directly, so if it is someone’s kink it almost makes me want to like it. But again, I can also understand the people who dislike it more than I do, read this and get disturbed. I have trouble admitting this because I don’t want to give the impression that I like this stuff, since I want my content to be completely separated from it.

•Now for THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THIS JOUNAL, what I actually dislike and cannot accept:
These are things that can actually completely ruin my mood for days or weeks and still haunt me after years. Please, I beg you to never expose me to anything like them, be it in comments, PMs or any other means. Even just the mention bothers me, even if you also dislike them.
Again, these are the darkest things I’ve ever seen, but can vary a lot in intensity and themes. It does include the category above when it isn’t happy, and really anything listed so far if it is taken to a bad-ending context. Some of it is very subtle and insidiously complicated, so I have to be very careful with how I explain this, to make sure there are no misunderstandings. With bad endings meaning that the individual goes through something very final or definitive that takes something very precious away from them or those close to them, such as their dignity, virginity, sanity, freedom or life, causing a considerable amount of stress or suffering.

The general principle is anything that deals with objectively bad endings, tragedy, grimdark content, shock-value or disregard for an individual’s fate or existence. This includes things that are purposefully designed to cause the viewer/reader distress or to bait them into ending up feeling a mix of arousal and bad emotions. This also applies even if it’s honestly designed for sexual indulgence paired with negative emotions.
But I’ll detail them even more:

I will repeat the bit about death or other things that might represent the end or total destruction of a character’s being, body, consciousness or self. Again, including things that present an immediate risk of such destruction, that will logically lead to or cause it in some way, or even that are only simulated, dreamed, imagined or pretended, even if it can or will be reversed. If as much as a single character is getting distressed over this (either before, during or after), or if it’s too sudden to be noticed, or even if it’s in too large of a scale, then it counts.

Situations where the characters have a high disregard for morality or virtue, extended to very serious situations. While some naughty or perverse things are fine, this crosses the line when it explores “realistic” risks and/or consequences for things that are very wrong or distasteful in real life, portraying the social understanding of the setting to be like ours in the real world, even if the involved characters end up okay and nothing bad happens. I expect people to accuse me of this, since I like creating things involving strong perversion with underage characters, but I disagree, since my good-fate-based system makes things automatically very different from real life, more details at the end of this . And even then, I don’t like to imply any risk of truly bad consequences anyway.
If it still sounds like a close call, then that’s fine, because it probably is, which makes this one of those things that I don’t freak out if it’s coming from me, but that would bother me if it comes from anyone else.

Depictions of lust or sexuality in a very negative and undesirable light, leading to negative consequences, causing regret afterwards, facilitating/luring characters into doing things that makes them feel worse about their morality afterwards, or facilitating/luring characters into doing things that might harm them or others, such as bad/risky behavior. The only exceptions to this are when someone who is being degraded, punished or humiliated has a thing for it (whether they know it or not) and the others just want to play with that a bit, as long as it doesn’t get too serious or messed up. The others must have the intent to please the victim through their kink, and not mean the negative things, but even then I’m very suspicious. This usually means that there is no real reason to feel like they’re immoral, but they play with that in the name of pleasure.

Characters being cruel, evil or extremely sadistic in a sense that they have genuine intent to harm and/or cause others to suffer a fate that either them, the victim or the setting consider to be a bad one. This also includes deriving pleasure from observing others suffering such bad fates, or similar hostilities. This is valid even if the victim is being innocent about it, or if the victim actually enjoys the fate, secretly or not. As long as the character who being cruel, evil or sadistic has truly nefarious intent, this still applies. Any depiction of sadism must have the victim’s pleasure as a goal, even if it’s just deep down. When the agony/tragedy is real, or when the expectation is of real agony/tragedy, then it’s bad. More on the masochistic version of this later.
This is about the actual intent of the characters, so I don’t feel like I need to define “bad” in a strict way, because if everyone involved sees it as a good or okay thing, then it doesn’t fall under THIS part, even if it’s a horrible fate. Given that it is truly a bad fate regardless, the next point should deal with it anyway. What matters here is the opinion of the characters involved. The only exception is if the concept is silly, light-hearted and doesn’t present any harm to anyone, while the victim also feels no distress or agony.

Truly negative emotions or situations depicting/focusing on the character’s feelings, showing that they are negative. This catches things like suffering, misery, hopelessness, genuine despair, agony or any other dark and bleak emotions. Generally if the character wishes for it to stop, or to just be over already, seeking some escape from what is happening, then it falls under this. This is something that I sometimes call “true suffering”, and after a long time trying to put it into words, I think I got a good enough definition.
Basically, you can measure how much a character is suffering and find “true suffering” using a simple thought experiment. If we imagine the character begs for it to stop, even just mentally, and it does stop… would they be relieved, pack their things and go home trying to shove that experience out of their minds… OR WOULD THEY BE DISAPPOINTED THAT IT STOPPED? Would the character feel that it was anticlimactic and feel bad that they made it stop? This is how much do they wish the situation stops while it’s happening combined with how much they wish it never happened when it’s over.
I admit that this exists in a gradient and that with some mixes in there, both things can be true at the same time, a character can suffer a lot and wish for it to stop, but still wish it continued if they actually get relief. This means it’s down to where the line is drawn, and because the scenario I just mentioned would bother me a lot due to that conflicting self-destructive stuff, I draw it at a safer spot.
To me, a more intuitive way to find “true suffering” asks at which point is the suffering that the character goes through SMALLER than the disappointment or guilt that would come from the thing stopping. Basically, if they ask for it to stop, and it does, ruining the rhythm and momentum, it can sour the mood and make it hard to even get back on the same vibes. It would change it entirely, even if it continued, everything would be different, right?
So whenever the baggage of THAT is more to the character than the suffering from the interaction itself, I decide to draw the line. None of my characters would actually enjoy it if the interaction stopped and allowed them to go free. Or at least, that’s what I try to make.
Because of this, I feel that softer feelings or sensations can still be okay, if the experience is still a net positive. Things like pain, discomfort, annoyance, feistiness, envy, mild anger, light-hearted fright and other similar things do not fall under this, as long as they are part of an experience that the characters ultimately enjoy, either despite these things or even because of them.
One final note about this is that by “stop” I mean being harmlessly released of the suffering, no tricks, no catch, no regrettable side effects, no ultimatums, no sacrifices. The regret the character would feel by having it stop must come entirely from the fact that the interaction stopped and nothing else, or else the suffering just continued with a different flavor.

And finally, the situation with self-destructive masochism. This is a tricky one but it can use similar rules to the sadism mentioned before, and it is actually relevant for the point about “true suffering” before this. Because a self-destructive masochist desires bad fates for themselves, it’s not enough to find the point where the dissatisfaction, guilt or disappointment from stopping are greater than the suffering from continuing.
I feel like intent and emotion are more important here than the actual fate they are suffering as well. It could be something that most people in real life would consider horrible, but as long as everyone in that fictional context is okay with it and the person being subjected likes it, then it does NOT fall under this. For this, I guess what fits best is when it can be some internal strong cruelty towards one’s self, as in it can still be dreaded, it can still be awful to go through, but the individual is cruel to themselves. Because of that, this isn’t truly pleasure-based and is more leaning on negative emotions, even if there is some gratification. The ultimate goal is something the individual considers bad for themselves, not a pleasure or positive thing.
I can almost fit the grey areas of this point into the category before, where it’s something I’m uncomfortable with while not minding other people enjoying, but I don’t feel like concerning myself with that since it can complicate things quite a bit. So in any case, just default to it falling under this and being considered one of the things I’m really not okay with.
As for depictions of extreme masochism in my own works, I think I’m safe from this one due to how I already make bad fates impossible by default. Every individual gets a fate that is both positive and fit for them. Because characters obsessing over their own negative emotions would trigger negative emotions in me, this technically would fall under the general point where it causes the viewer to feel negative emotions along with sexual feelings.

While I tried extremely hard to be very precise and specific with this, and to cover anything I could imagine, there could still be some points that I missed. If there are any doubts, please consider not exposing me to it regardless. I know this is a very dry read, and I’m sorry, but I really fear that there would be many problems if I just said the basic or if I didn’t define things precisely enough.
In any case, the TL;DR would be something like: No characters dying in any way, no negative emotions, no bad fates, no characters who want others to suffer bad fates, no characters wanting to suffer bad fates, no depictions of sexuality as a negative thing and no characters getting endings they don’t like.

As for what I feel about those who create such content or enjoy it… Well, I do believe that it’s wrong to create such things. I have done some of them in the distant past and I deeply regret it, but anything I’ve done gets completely overshadowed by the darkness of the things I’ve seen.
I know that people would contest this, as it has happened many times before. I know all the classics “but it’s not real”, “it’s just fantasies”, “it’s just colors on a screen”, “but no one is being actually hurt”, and so on. But I won’t fight it. It’s okay, I’m not telling anyone to stop, since I’m not going to see it anyway , just keep it away from me please.
This has troubled me a lot for a long time, and still causes me a lot of unhappiness, but it has actually improved lately. There was a period in which I deeply hated anyone who liked or made such things, but I don’t anymore. Now it just makes me sad and scared.
Sometimes I can almost make myself believe “to each their own”, and that it’s okay because it’s just a bunch of pervs like me being pleased by something they enjoy, and that it is true that no real person is suffering, the real people are having fun instead. But try as I might, I always collapse back to this feeling that it’s still wrong. I’m trying, I’m sorry.

I’m still not ready to discuss this, so when it comes to things like this, I don’t think I would be able to handle being on the other side. I have some arguments against this stuff, as to why I feel that it is wrong, but I feel like I shouldn’t voice my opinion. It has done me no good in the past, I don’t think it will do now either. I just want to be away from it, please.

If I am taking commissions at the moment, or delivering rewards, here is a description of things I’m not willing to draw for other people, optimized for the context of commissions instead of what I don’t want to be exposed to. It does not require this journal since I repeat all of the important points, modified to fit that context, it should help with the things I couldn’t define here, when it comes to what I would refuse drawing.

Finally, thanks for reading if you have read all of this. This is literally the most important point for me and the basis of all that I’m afraid of, so it’s really important that people understand what it is that can break me. For those curious about how this affects my relationship with other people’s content, there is this .
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